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Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Percentage of Canadian workforce in each five industry

#percentage #canadian #workforce #five #industry
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The presented graph displays the percentage of Canadian workforce in five
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
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 in 1850 and 2020.
Overall
,the average shows
main
Correct article usage
the main
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charocteristics
Correct your spelling
characteristics
 of(Manufacturing,Services,Agriculture/Fishing,Construction,
Energy
Correct word choice
and Energy
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/Water) industries,
also
 they are compared by percentage and by the dates indicated at the top. Looking at the stands below in 2020 Agriculture/Fishing is similar to Energy/Water.
One
Correct your spelling
On
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 the other hand
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Agriculture shoots up to 22%.
However
,Energy/Water rises up to 3%.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 comprasion in
Construction
Correct article usage
the Construction
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 and Manufacturing sectors
are
Verb problem
will
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increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 in 2020.The difference between them is 31%. Turning to
Services
Correct article usage
the Services
show examples
 column,
firstly
 as can be seen the biggest one grew up of all the others.
Secondly
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to
Manufacturing
Correct article usage
the Manufacturing
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 industry
amount
Correct subject-verb agreement
amounts
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 to 45%.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 it dropped sharply to 3% in 1850.
Submitted by elnur.adil on

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Clarity
Ensure clarity when presenting comparisons and data to enhance understanding.
Repetition
Avoid repetition and ensure each paragraph introduces a new idea or point for better flow.
Grammar
Use consistent tense throughout your essay to maintain coherence.
Structure
Introduce the essay with a brief overview of the main trends before diving into specifics.
Conclusion
Conclude with a summary of the most important findings or implications of the data.
Organization
Consider organizing your paragraphs by industries or time periods for a clearer comparison.
Engagement
Engages with the task prompt and attempts to cover all data points.
Language use
Uses comparison language to highlight differences between industries and years.
Analysis
Attempts to provide an overall comment on the data presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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