IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The bar chart below the percentage of men and women who did various free-time activities.

#bar #percentage #men #women #free-time #activities
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The diagram compares the
percentage
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 of free-
time
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 activities
males
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for males
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 and females of seven
categories
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 in 2006 in England.
Overall
Linking Words
, men enjoyed more leisure
time
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 than
women
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 in five
categories
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 of seven
categories
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. Obviously, in
two
Correct article usage
the two
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categories
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: spending
time
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 with family and shopping
women
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percentage
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 was
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
. As a chart shows, watching TV and spending
time
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 with family
women
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 had almost identical
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percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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 more than 75%. Obviously,
women
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 enjoyed the most shopping in their free
time
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 almost twice as much
than
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as
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 men, just less
75
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than 75
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% and about 30%, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the figures for doing exercises
males
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for males
show examples
 and females were exactly the same as those for the reading, both at around 75%. In terms of
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percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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in
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apply
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playing computer games,
this
Linking Words
categorie
Correct your spelling
category
experience
Correct subject-verb agreement
experiences
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 the lowest
percentage
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 about 10% and 5%, respectively.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Introduction Clarity
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic of the chart and avoid confusion in phrasing that could mislead the reader about the content of the essay.
Overview Clarity & Effectiveness
In your overview, aim to make a clear, straightforward statement summarizing the main trends or comparisons without getting too specific.
Data Accuracy & Consistency
Be consistent with your data presentation, avoiding inaccuracies, and ensure that all comparisons and data mentioned are accurate and correspond to the chart's information.
Linking & Paragraphing
For a higher coherence and cohesion score, logically organize your paragraphs and use a variety of linking words effectively to ensure smooth transitions between points.
Comparison Skills
You effectively identified key trends and made comparisons between genders across the different activities.
Use of Specific Data
Provided specific percentages to support your comparisons, which helps in illustrating the points being made.
Structural Organization
You have a clear structure with an introduction, overview, and specific paragraphs for different activities, although the clarity and efficiency of these sections can be improved.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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