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Band 2

The bar chart below the percentage of men and women who did various free-time activities.

#bar #percentage #men #women #free-time #activities
The diagram compares the
percentage
 of free-
time
 activities
males
Change preposition
for males
show examples
 and females of seven
categories
 in 2006 in England.
Overall
, men enjoyed more leisure
time
 than
women
 in five
categories
 of seven
categories
. Obviously, in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
categories
: spending
time
 with family and shopping
women
percentage
 was
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
. As a chart shows, watching TV and spending
time
 with family
women
 had almost identical
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 more than 75%. Obviously,
women
 enjoyed the most shopping in their free
time
 almost twice as much
than
Change preposition
as
show examples
 men, just less
75
Change preposition
than 75
show examples
% and about 30%, respectively.
Moreover
, the figures for doing exercises
males
Change preposition
for males
show examples
 and females were exactly the same as those for the reading, both at around 75%. In terms of
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing computer games,
this
categorie
Correct your spelling
category
experience
Correct subject-verb agreement
experiences
show examples
 the lowest
percentage
 about 10% and 5%, respectively.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Introduction Clarity
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic of the chart and avoid confusion in phrasing that could mislead the reader about the content of the essay.
Overview Clarity & Effectiveness
In your overview, aim to make a clear, straightforward statement summarizing the main trends or comparisons without getting too specific.
Data Accuracy & Consistency
Be consistent with your data presentation, avoiding inaccuracies, and ensure that all comparisons and data mentioned are accurate and correspond to the chart's information.
Linking & Paragraphing
For a higher coherence and cohesion score, logically organize your paragraphs and use a variety of linking words effectively to ensure smooth transitions between points.
Comparison Skills
You effectively identified key trends and made comparisons between genders across the different activities.
Use of Specific Data
Provided specific percentages to support your comparisons, which helps in illustrating the points being made.
Structural Organization
You have a clear structure with an introduction, overview, and specific paragraphs for different activities, although the clarity and efficiency of these sections can be improved.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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