IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 wage is
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
essential
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction for every
employees
Change to a singular noun
employee
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 cannot
work
Use synonyms
 in
profession
Add an article
a profession
show examples
 which do not want
this
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will be discussed
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of view. On the one hand, a high
salary
Use synonyms
 covers personal and family needs and brings happiness than
work
Use synonyms
 enjoyment. To be more specific, if
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 in
low paid
Add a hyphen
low-paid
show examples
 jobs, they cannot
happy
Add a missing verb
be happy
show examples
 long-lasting, and
this
Linking Words
 leads to many issues for
people
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as individuals can be stressed
due to
Linking Words
 lack of not having enough money.
For example
Linking Words
, if humans make more capital in
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 employment, they can buy whatever
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 family needs and pay all of their monthly bills.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 choose the type of employment, the amount of wage should be considered.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer the high
salary
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
, it is important that they are
pleasure
Replace the word
pleased
show examples
 with their career. Employees are
boring
Replace the word
bored
show examples
 and
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
enjoyment of
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
 their
work
Use synonyms
, despite of they have high
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
 both
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 and
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, when individuals choose to
job
Use synonyms
, they should be focused on their career. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
,
salary
Use synonyms
 is vital for human’s lives,
also
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
Correct article usage
a significantly
show examples
significantly
Change the adverb
significant
show examples
 role in
future
Correct pronoun usage
their future
show examples
 career
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. I believe that these are important for human’s
work
Use synonyms
 life both high
salary
Use synonyms
 and
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction, and
people
Use synonyms
 should decide after reviewing these points.
Submitted by quluzadenurlan107 on

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Task Achievement
Try to clarify and develop your main points more thoroughly to enhance the comprehensiveness of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Including a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures can improve the clarity and richness of your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear logical flow by using more linking words or phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to correct small grammatical and spelling errors to improve overall readability and professionalism of your essay.
Task Achievement
To bolster your arguments, incorporate more specific examples and data where possible, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You've effectively presented both sides of the argument, showcasing a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing your essay and summarizing your stance.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
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