In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years,
people
can select their workplaces wherever they want, thus
they typically need to go far from their home
. In my opinion, Fix the agreement mistake
homes
while
it has both pros and cons, I cannot declare which one
is more crucial. It means that workers need to consider these depending on their situations.
On the one
hand, working away from home has specific profits for people
, including salary or job opportunity
. In numerous countries, working overseas allows Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
people
to earn more resources than working in their nations. As an example, though Japan is one
of the most technological country
in the world, its salary is quite cheap compared to others like Change to a plural noun
countries
United
Kingdom or Correct article usage
the United
United
States. Their salaries would be Correct article usage
the United
multipulied
if they get an occupation in these countries Correct your spelling
multiplied
instead
of Japan, thus
the merit of working far from home is significant.
On the other hand
, the downside cannot be ignored, and the massive one
is that they frequently feel lonliness
when they work apart from their families. Correct your spelling
loneliness
For instance
, working in Correct article usage
the navy
navy
is a tough job, and Capitalize word
Navy
Correct article usage
the navy
navy
requires their employees to be apart from their friends and relatives. Capitalize word
Navy
Futhermore
, it is typically continued over ten or twenty years. Correct your spelling
Furthermore
This
period is too long for people
, and soldiers sometimes quit their jobs because of this
. Therefore
, the hurts
of being far from their friends or families is crucially strong.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
hurt
while
getting higher
salary is a huge profit Correct article usage
a higher
of
being apart from their families and working in other places, the downside which Change preposition
from
make
Change the verb form
makes
people
feel alone is considerable. Thus
, I personally believe that people
need to carefully assess these and make a decision depending on their ages or life stages.Submitted by ryoga17.0325 on
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task response
Your essay addresses the topic well and discusses both advantages and disadvantages. However, it could be improved by giving a clearer stand on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task response
Focus on clarifying your main ideas. Your essay includes several good points, but they can sometimes be a bit unclear or repetitive. Try to make each paragraph focus on a single clear idea or argument.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow of your ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logically follows from the previous one. Use more linking words and phrases to improve cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to structure your essay well.
task response
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which makes your arguments more convincing.