IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent years,
people
Use synonyms
 can select their workplaces wherever they want,
thus
Linking Words
 they typically need to go far from their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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. In my opinion,
while
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 it has both pros and cons, I cannot declare which
one
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 is more crucial. It means that workers need to consider these depending on their situations. On the
one
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 hand, working away from home has specific profits for
people
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, including salary or job
opportunity
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opportunities
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. In numerous countries, working overseas allows
people
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 to earn more resources than working in their nations. As an example, though Japan is
one
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 of the most technological
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
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 in the world, its salary is quite cheap compared to others like
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom or
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States. Their salaries would be
multipulied
Correct your spelling
multiplied
 if they get an occupation in these countries
instead
Linking Words
 of Japan,
thus
Linking Words
 the merit of working far from home is significant.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the downside cannot be ignored, and the massive
one
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 is that they frequently feel
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
 when they work apart from their families.
For instance
Linking Words
, working in
Correct article usage
the navy
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navy
Capitalize word
Navy
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 is a tough job, and
Correct article usage
the navy
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navy
Capitalize word
Navy
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 requires their employees to be apart from their friends and relatives.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, it is typically continued over ten or twenty years.
This
Linking Words
 period is too long for
people
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, and soldiers sometimes quit their jobs because of
this
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
hurts
Fix the agreement mistake
hurt
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 of being far from their friends or families is crucially strong. In conclusion,
while
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 getting
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 salary is a huge profit
of
Change preposition
from
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 being apart from their families and working in other places, the downside which
make
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makes
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people
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 feel alone is considerable.
Thus
Linking Words
, I personally believe that
people
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 need to carefully assess these and make a decision depending on their ages or life stages.

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task response
Your essay addresses the topic well and discusses both advantages and disadvantages. However, it could be improved by giving a clearer stand on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task response
Focus on clarifying your main ideas. Your essay includes several good points, but they can sometimes be a bit unclear or repetitive. Try to make each paragraph focus on a single clear idea or argument.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow of your ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logically follows from the previous one. Use more linking words and phrases to improve cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to structure your essay well.
task response
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which makes your arguments more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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