IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

the chart below shows the different types of goods and services purchased online in Australia, Canda, and the United Kingdom last year.

the chart below shows the different types of goods and services purchased online in Australia, Canda, and the United Kingdom last year.
#goods #services #australia #canda #kingdom #year
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph below illustrates the rate of shopping online
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 various kinds of products and services in three different nations (
Australia
Use synonyms
,
Canada
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
) in the
last
Linking Words
 12 months. In general, It can be clearly observed that the most purchased items
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 cyber and
net
Correct article usage
the net
show examples
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 United Kingdom.
In addition
Linking Words
, relatively
Australia
Use synonyms
 was In the middle
position
Use synonyms
, followed by
Canada
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in
show examples
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the lowest
position
Use synonyms
 in purchasing online.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the United Kingdom was the most dominant in almost all purchasing items including music, books, computer appliances, DVD videos, and food and beverages with several exceptions.
For example
Linking Words
, the ratio of music was around 60%
while
Linking Words
 In
Australia
Use synonyms
 and
Canada
Use synonyms
 were approximately 38% and 35% respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, financial service has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 deviation trend in which it was the least purchased item in the
UK
Use synonyms
.
As the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 data shown in the chart is around 2%, 15% in
Canada
Use synonyms
, and 18% in
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Australia
Use synonyms
 generally was in the 2nd
position
Use synonyms
 in buying online items.
For instance
Linking Words
, food and drink was less than 20%,
while
Linking Words
 the top
position
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom was roughly 22% and In the bottom
position
Use synonyms
 was
Canada
Use synonyms
 which was about 1%.
However
Linking Words
Australia
Use synonyms
 was leading in buying services of funding,
in contrast
Linking Words
 it was the least consuming in computers and toys, take a look at the evidence in toys, it was less than 5 % compared to
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and
Canada
Use synonyms
 which almost reached 20%.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Canada
Use synonyms
 frankly was in the 3rd
position
Use synonyms
 in shopping online.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
DVD videos were less than 15%,
while
Linking Words
 both in the
UK
Use synonyms
 and
Australia
Use synonyms
 were around 39% and 20%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
turn. But,
this
Linking Words
 figure never gets chosen
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the most favourite during the period shown.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "for example, in contrast, while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, canada, uk, position with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: