You work in a busy but poorly organized office and you are keen to be promoted. Your employer needs to find a new supervisor for your department. Write a letter to your employer. In the letter • Ask to be considered for this job • Explain why you would be a suitable candidate • Outline the current problems and the changes you would like to make
Dear Mr. Pat,
I am
Writing
in connection with applying for the supervisor position for which you are searching. I think I am a qualified candidate because of Fix capitalization
writing
strong
qualifications. Correct pronoun usage
my strong
In addition
, I believe these fruitful experiences suit the needs of this
position.
Given the fact that,
I hold a bachelor’s degree Remove the comma
apply
at
project management. I completed my Change preposition
in
under graduation
studies at White University in 1997. I have various certificates suitable for Correct word choice
undergraduate
this
position, such
as communication skills and time management. Moreover
, I believe I am a hardworking person and I have strong
work Correct article usage
a strong
ethics
. Different prizes Fix the agreement mistake
ethic
due to
management
of Correct article usage
the management
company’s
first anniversary can be true evidence of these characteristics.
Correct article usage
the company’s
According to
my experiences in this
office, I found most customers have complains
about times for breaks and off. Replace the word
complaints
Therefore
, rescheduling these times is essential for our office’s success. In addition
, most personal’s
data or information related to their tasks are not ample. Change noun form
personal
Due to
the fact that they are not able to meet costumers’ deadline. As a result
of this
, employees do not reach their goals. I think I can provide different trainings
and tasks Fix the agreement mistake
training
with
employees in order to improve their skills and abilities.
I hope you take my modest proposal into consideration. should you need to on Change preposition
to
phone
. I can be reached on 132.
Yours sincerely,
M. KaCorrect article usage
the phone
Submitted by kargar.mh1992 on
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task achievement
While the letter addresses all necessary points, some areas lack detail, such as specific problems and exact changes you would implement. Consider adding more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The letter occasionally has awkward phrasing and inconsistent tense usage. Revise sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a single idea per paragraph. Try not to mix qualifications and personal attributes in the same paragraph. Instead, separate them for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriate and polite, which sets a positive tone.
task achievement
You have included relevant qualifications and experiences, which strengthens your application.
task achievement
The desire to improve the office and outline specific areas of improvement demonstrates initiative and problem-solving skills.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite