IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You work in a busy but poorly organized office and you are keen to be promoted. Your employer needs to find a new supervisor for your department. Write a letter to your employer. In the letter • Ask to be considered for this job • Explain why you would be a suitable candidate • Outline the current problems and the changes you would like to make

#work #office #employer #supervisor #department #job #candidate #outline #changes
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Dear Mr. Pat, I am
Writing
Fix capitalization
writing
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 in connection with applying for the supervisor position for which you are searching. I think I am a qualified candidate because of
strong
Correct pronoun usage
my strong
show examples
 qualifications.
In addition
Linking Words
, I believe these fruitful experiences suit the needs of
this
Linking Words
 position. Given the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 I hold a bachelor’s degree
at
Change preposition
in
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 project management. I completed my
under graduation
Correct word choice
undergraduate
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 studies at White University in 1997. I have various certificates suitable for
this
Linking Words
 position,
such
Linking Words
 as communication skills and time management.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I believe I am a hardworking person and I have
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 work
ethics
Fix the agreement mistake
ethic
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. Different prizes
due to
Linking Words
management
Correct article usage
the management
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 of
company’s
Correct article usage
the company’s
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 first anniversary can be true evidence of these characteristics.
According to
Linking Words
 my experiences in
this
Linking Words
 office, I found most customers have
complains
Replace the word
complaints
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 about times for breaks and off.
Therefore
Linking Words
, rescheduling these times is essential for our office’s success.
In addition
Linking Words
, most
personal’s
Change noun form
personal
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 data or information related to their tasks are not ample.
Due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they are not able to meet costumers’ deadline.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, employees do not reach their goals. I think I can provide different
trainings
Fix the agreement mistake
training
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 and tasks
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 employees in order to improve their skills and abilities. I hope you take my modest proposal into consideration. should you need to on
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
. I can be reached on 132. Yours sincerely, M. Ka
Submitted by kargar.mh1992 on

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task achievement
While the letter addresses all necessary points, some areas lack detail, such as specific problems and exact changes you would implement. Consider adding more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The letter occasionally has awkward phrasing and inconsistent tense usage. Revise sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a single idea per paragraph. Try not to mix qualifications and personal attributes in the same paragraph. Instead, separate them for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriate and polite, which sets a positive tone.
task achievement
You have included relevant qualifications and experiences, which strengthens your application.
task achievement
The desire to improve the office and outline specific areas of improvement demonstrates initiative and problem-solving skills.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • keen to be promoted
  • suitable candidate
  • supervisor role
  • relevant experience
  • organizational abilities
  • problem-solving skills
  • familiarity with current problems
  • impact on productivity
  • streamlining processes
  • improving communication channels
  • introducing new tools and technologies
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