IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work
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It is true that the trend of migrating to other
areas
Use synonyms
 for more potential working opportunities has been accelerated by many employees. As far as workers find it a chance to change their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,
this
Linking Words
 tendency has many benefits
due to
Linking Words
 a range of reasons. First and foremost, living in a competitive environment could allow people to open the door
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a better life.
While
Linking Words
 workers actually have the aspiration
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 solving their financial burden
by
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with
show examples
 a well-paid job,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers may consider it as a potential human resource to strengthen their career, which can alleviate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
umemployment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 and other societal issues.
For instance
Linking Words
, some rural fathers decide to live in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 so as to guarantee better lives for their families.
Secondly
Linking Words
, attending the metropolis might be
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 correct option for
offsprings
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offspring
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 to take care of their
parents
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 in remote
areas
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 in economical aspect. They could be really successful if they try earning money efficiently,
thus
Linking Words
 providing their
parents
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' home with modern furniture and
convenient
Correct article usage
a convenient
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 lifestyle. A simple example is that the allocation of affluent citizens is
widespreaded
Correct your spelling
widespread
 in downtown, facilitating descendants to
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their duties of looking after their
parents
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. Notwithstanding, the drawback of
this
Linking Words
 orientation is what employees should rethink, which stems from finding harsh to reach
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high position in
urban
Add an article
an urban
the urban
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 environment. Ironically, stimulating themselves to exert effort for the aims is absolutely uneasy, yet
staffs
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staff
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 just have to face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that problem in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 short term, thereby triggering them to an evident success.
To sum up
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,
while
Linking Words
 the preference for emigrating to other
areas
Use synonyms
 to get possible opportunities can be seen as potentially risky, the merits are far more significant
due to
Linking Words
 having better lives and getting a chance to help workers'
parents
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by alicema0503 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
While your logical structure is quite solid, try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a thoughtful introduction and conclusion. Consider making the introduction slightly clearer in presenting the essay's outline of arguments.
Task Response
Provide more specific examples and further elaborate on the points made to strengthen your arguments. This can make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined structure with clear introduction and conclusion, which enhances readability.
Task Response
You address the task fully and cover the important points, ensuring a comprehensive response.
Task Response
You have used relevant examples to illustrate your points. However, you can make the examples slightly more specific for better impact.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
What to do next:
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