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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays people make new friends through social networks and internet chat groups. Some people think this is good. Others think that face-to-face interaction is essential. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #friends #networks #internet #chat #groups #interaction
Due to the
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The
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 Internet has already become more convenient and advanced recently. As the
devlopments
Correct your spelling
developments
development
 of networks, the advantages and
disadvanges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 are more which are compared to old decades.
The information
Correct article usage
Information
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 technology has explored
the
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apply
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social working websites and internet chat groups where
people
 can make
a
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apply
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new
friend
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friends
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 through
this
cyberbase
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cyber base
cyber based
. Truth be told, there are a number of upsides and downsides
of
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to
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this
 new system.
Firstly
,
people
 could maintain
the
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apply
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relationship
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relationships
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 with friends or have a chance to make new friends more easily
by
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through
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the
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apply
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social networks.
Secondly
, there might
have
Verb problem
be
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 some issues about the faking account or scam to
prentend
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pretend
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are your friends to get some private information.
Thirdly
, it might reduce the conflicts which are a lot of things to do with communication or working together,
for example
, if the person
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is not good at communication, he/she could think twice
to type
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about typing
show examples
 the words
politlier
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policies
 so that other
people
 wouldn’t get misunderstand. There are
some
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apply
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certain good qualities
also
benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
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 through
this
 system
such
 as
time saving
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time-saving
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, country-to-country chat, and so on.
However
, other
people
 think that face-to-face meeting is the most
importatnt
Correct your spelling
important
 things to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
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the
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apply
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relationship with
people
. It makes
people
 feel more real and
safety
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safe
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 when they actually meet with each other, and it makes human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 have better understanding, and even more connection than using Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram, etc.
To sum up
,
people
 should know what kind of things
that
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apply
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work online,
what
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and what
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 is better to solve
in
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apply
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face-to-face. Everything has two opposite sides, it
depends
Add the preposition
depends on
show examples
people
 how
to
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apply
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use and choose.
Submitted by eddie910208 on

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task achievement
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structures. There are several issues such as run-on sentences and incorrect word usage that need to be addressed.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that the essay flows logically from one idea to the next. Use transition words and phrases to help guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For example, mention specific scenarios where online interactions were beneficial or detrimental.
coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction by clearly stating the debate and providing a brief overview of the main points to be discussed. This will help in setting the context for the reader.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic's complexity.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and gives a balanced view, encouraging readers to think critically about the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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