Nowadays, some workplaces tend to employ equal numbers of men and women workers. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, many companies try to increase gender diversity in the workplace , especially in developed countries which have more than 50% of
women
employees
. However
, there are few chances for women
to be promoted into
higher Change preposition
to
positions
such
as president or director. The company should have some solutions that can reduce this
gap between the men
and women
workforce.
On the one hand, some proponents believe that the company should promote women
in higher positions
because women
have abilities
to Correct article usage
the abilities
work
in leadership roles as men
. For example
, in the world of politics
there are living proofs of female empowerment Add a comma
politics,
such
as Jacinda Arden, a former prime minister of New Zealand. Therefore
the world of business should take note and follow by assigning women
in
a management team. I firmly support Change preposition
to
this
statement because I believe that it is a great opportunity to increase gender equality and create diversity in work
environments by empowering women
in higher positions
.
On the other hand
, it can be argued that some careers have conditions that are suitable for men
Correct your spelling
male
employees
rather than women
employees
due to
physical attributes. For instance
, engineers who work
at
the petroleum offshore may have a significant opportunity to grow in higher Change preposition
apply
positions
because this
position requires employees
to stand by
Change preposition
apply
the
offshore for months and have a high risk of accidents. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
men
employees
have more possibility to work
in this
position than women
. However
, I disagree with this
perspective, the company has already prejudiced women
's abilities to achieve this
task without giving any
opportunity to try.
In conclusion, it is essential for companies to strike a balance between the number of Correct pronoun usage
them any
men
and women
employees
, and promote women
employees
to higher positions
in order to build diversity in the workplace.Submitted by bhavifasai on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and question effectively. However, the example provided (Jacinda Arden) should have her name spelled correctly (Jacinda Ardern).
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph seamlessly connects to the next. The transitions are generally good, but they could be smoother.
task achievement
Some points could be better supported with more specific details or examples from different sectors or studies involving women in leadership.
coherence cohesion
The use of 'some solutions that can reduce this gap' in the introduction could be more clearly linked to the solutions you've actually discussed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You present balanced viewpoints, discussing both the supporting and opposing perspectives.
task achievement
You have effectively supported your main points with relevant examples.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?