IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The world of work is changing rapidly and employees cannot depend on having the same job or the same working conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes for this rapid change, and suggest ways of preparing people for the world of work in the future. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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With the advancement in technology, the demand of employers is changing significantly which means that employees may not be able to continue their current job or have a similar work environment forever.
This
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 essay will discuss
reasons
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the reasons
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 for
this
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 transformation mainly the introduction of technical devices and the demand
of
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for
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 educational degrees and will
also
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 highlight proposals for employees to
aquaint
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acquaint
 them with
the
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apply
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innovative gadgetry and enhance their knowledge of relevant
field
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fields
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.
To begin
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, one of the major developments in the modern workplace is increased reliance on the computer and the
intrernet
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Internet
.
This
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 means that the individuals meant for record-keeping are no
more
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longer
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 required in any organization.To illustrate, the banking sector has dismissed a number of workers for the sake of using computers to do their
job
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jobs
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.
Similarly
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,
the
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apply
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social media and the electronic version of newspapers have caused the printing press to lose its popularity, which has forced
such
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 individuals to look for other alternatives.
In addition
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, the ever-growing competition has pushed the managers to hire those applicants, who have acquired more professional degrees. In order to deal with evolving circumstances, the populace should prepare for a better job prospect in the future.
This
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 can be done by enhancing the proficiency in use of modern technology.If a person is more computer-literate, he will have more chances of securing a slot in any company.
Moreover
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, people should try to attain a higher education in order to increase their probability of selection in any institute,
For instance
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, Shifa International Hospital in Pakistan prefers those doctors who have
done
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apply
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specialization in their respective fields. In conclusion, the dilemma of rapidly changing work requirements is mainly because of technological advances and
demand
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the demand
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of
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for
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 professional competence.To adjust
in
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to
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this
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 changing
millieu
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milieu
, workers should
further
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 their competency in handling
of
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apply
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technology and obtain specialized
qualification
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qualifications
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 in any subject.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task and addresses the main points effectively. However, the depth and clarity of some ideas could be enhanced. Add more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the logical structure of your essay is more robust. Use clear paragraph transitions and logical connectors to make your arguments more cohesive. For instance, between paragraphs, phrases like 'Furthermore', 'In another aspect', or 'Likewise' can improve flow.
task achievement
The clarity and comprehension of your ideas are good, but some sentences could be rephrased for better understanding. Avoid overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present and aptly summarize your points, make sure they clearly outline and restate your main arguments for better cohesion and impact.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is a strong point for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task by discussing both the causes of changes in the workforce and suggesting appropriate measures for preparation.
task achievement
Using specific examples, such as the mention of Shifa International Hospital and the banking sector, supports your points well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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