IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You recently attended a training course for your work. Your employer has asked you for your feedback on the training course. Write a letter to your employe. In your letter • remind your employer what the course was about • explain why the course was useful to you in your work • suggest why the course may not be suitable for some of your other Colleagues

#course #work #employer #feedback #employe #colleagues
Dear Darren How are you? I am writing
this
 letter to give some feedback about effects of buffer training
course
 and improvement in future.
Firstly
, I have learned robot
machanism
Correct your spelling
mechanisms
 with detail controlling
besides
 alarm code researching included.
This
 skill will make
process
Add an article
the process
show examples
 more smooth in peak season without machines halted on alarm. I
am appreciate
Change the verb form
appreciate
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to have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
this
 chance to
joined
Change the form of the verb
join
show examples
this
course
,
due to
 my age younger than Jone, in
another word
Fix the agreement mistake
other words
show examples
, my reactions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 any situation
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 better than his. As my suggestion,
this
course
 will not suit him very well. I will try my best
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 position with all I know. Thank you for
put
Change the verb form
putting
show examples
 my name in
course
Add an article
the course
a course
show examples
.
Secerely
Correct your spelling
Securely
 kind David
Submitted by d11206 on

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task achievement
The letter successfully addresses the main points: reminding the employer about the course, explaining its usefulness, and suggesting why it may not be suitable for some colleagues. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples or details about what was learned and how it applies to the job.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is fairly clear, but the letter could benefit from better paragraphing and smoother transitions. Each main point should ideally be in its own paragraph to improve readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of language accuracy and clarity. Phrases like 'due to my age younger than Jone' could be more clearly stated as 'because I am younger than Jone.' Ensuring grammar and vocabulary are correct will enhance overall understanding.
coherence cohesion
The closing and opening of the letter are appropriate, maintaining a polite and respectful tone throughout.
task achievement
The writing tone is suitable for addressing an employer, showing both professionalism and gratitude.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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