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Band 4

The percentage of school aged boys in two different age groups who participated in 5 different sports in the UK in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The provided data illustrates the involvement of school-aged
boys
 in five distinct sports in the UK in 2010, categorized into two
age
 groups. In general,
football
 emerged as the most
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 sport among
boys
 in both
age
 brackets.
Moreover
,
boys
 aged 6-11 exhibited a higher
participation
rate
 in all five sports compared to
boys
 aged 12-16 during the specified period. For
boys
 in the 6-11
age
 group,
football
 stood out as the predominant choice, with an overwhelming 87% engagement
rate
, making it the highest percentage in the dataset. Following
football
, cricket garnered a significant portion, with 45%
participation
. Notably, rugby and basketball saw comparable
participation
 levels among
boys
 aged 6-11, at 23% and 35% respectively.
Conversely
, for
boys
 aged 12-16,
football
 retained its popularity, with a substantial 78%
participation
rate
, significantly surpassing cricket at 34%. In
this
age
 bracket, basketball and rugby exhibited distinct
participation
 rates, with figures of 25% and 21% respectively. Interestingly, swimming recorded the lowest
participation
rate
 among both
age
 groups, stagnating at 19%.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear and concise conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Consider varying the vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance the readability of the essay.
task achievement
The essay contains a thorough comparison of participation rates between two age groups.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, with proper paragraph organization.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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