IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

the graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000

the graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000
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Contained in the two graphs is the information pertaining to the
percentage
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 of males and females aged 60-64 who had worked in different countries in 1970 and 2000. The data is measured in
percentage
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Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the amount of women who have a job was nearly the same in 2000 and 1970 in almost every country. It can
also
Linking Words
 be observed that the
percentage
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 of men who had a job in 2000 outnumbered those in 1970. Beginning with the female
percentage
Use synonyms
 in Belgium the data show that there was 8% in 2000 and 7% in 1970. Regarding the USA, there was a large number of females who had an activity in 2000 and in 1970 which accounted for 36% and 38% respectively. With respect to Japan, there were 43% and 40% of people who had an activity in 2000 and 1970 respectively. In Australia, there were only 16% of females who were employed and 18% of those who got the career in 2000 and 1970. Moving onto the data about men’s amount in age from 60-64 who had the job. It can be observed that there was only 19% of men who got the business in 1970.
However
Linking Words
, It increased significantly in 2000 and stood at 79%. With respect to the USA, the proportion in 1970 was 55% and in 1970 it was 73%. Regarding Japan, there was 74% of men who were employed in 1970 and 86% in 2000.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 1970 the rate in Australia stood at 47% but
then
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 jumped to 76% in 2000.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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