Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In
this
day and age, the trend of moving away from friends
and families
to get better positions for jobs is straightforwardly seen worldwide, especially in the young generation and workers
who have financial disadvantages. While
this
phenomenon may seem complex and controversial, spreading to plenty of debates, discussion
and diverse converse opinions, I still strongly believe that Fix the agreement mistake
discussions
this
trend has numerous positive impacts on employees. This
essay will delve into my personal viewpoint and give a comprehensive analysis associated with this
topic.
There are myriad reasons for the supportive perspective. To begin
with, it would not be an overstatement to say that living far from friends
and families
for career development plays a crucial role in everyone’s personal growth as it boosts self-esteem, problem-solving, and especially independence. Thereby, employees are able to weather many storms and learn how to deal with difficulties independently without needing help from others. Second of all, it goes without saying that Fix the agreement mistake
family
workers
normally move far away from their hometown
or move abroad for better Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
job’s
opportunities. Change noun form
job
As a result
, it leads to the fact that workers
are enabled to receive higher incomes and have enormous chances to boost their quantity of experiences, which will help them get a better place in an organization. Furthermore
, living apart from your hometown also
accelerates and bolsters people’s concentration since it prevents them from getting disturbed by parties with friends
, relatives or families
.
On the other hand
, there are plenty of reasons why moving away from your home is a negative modification. When it comes to feeling, the employees must fill
with sense of solitude and anxiety since they need time to adapt to new environments, co-Verb problem
feel
workers
, and the cultural tradition
of those places. Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
As a consequence
, those new adaptations may lead to the fact that people have to go through a quarter life
crisis period, Add a hyphen
quarter-life
mental
health problems consist of depression, Correct word choice
and mental
burn
Correct word choice
and burn
out
. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, workers
tend to isolate themselve
from others, start doom-scrolling or using alcohol and cigarettes to charge their batteries, and slowly lose interaction with colleagues and people among them.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
themselves
while
the disadvantages of living apart from friends
and families
seem to outweigh the advantages, I still strongly subscribe to the view that the pros remain predominant from the cons.Submitted by anhnguyen270407 on
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and provides a solid foundation for the arguments you present. However, it could be more concise to immediately grab the reader's attention. Consider briefly stating your main points in the introduction to give an overview of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main argument. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily and improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Including more specific examples or personal anecdotes could strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing. For instance, you could mention specific career opportunities that might cause someone to move away or personal experiences of adaptation in new places.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of similar ideas or phrases. For instance, the phrases 'living far from friends and families' and 'move far away from their hometown' carry similar meanings and could be varied to maintain reader interest.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-rounded structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in presenting your ideas in an organized manner.
task achievement
You’ve provided a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. This demonstrates critical thinking and a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
task achievement
Your language use is effective and demonstrates a good command of English. The vocabulary and expressions are appropriate and add to the essay's overall quality.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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