Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work

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this

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day and age, the trend of moving away from

friends

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and

families

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to get better positions for jobs is straightforwardly seen worldwide, especially in the young generation and

workers

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who have financial disadvantages.

While

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this

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phenomenon may seem complex and controversial, spreading to plenty of debates,

discussion

Fix the agreement mistake

discussions

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and diverse converse opinions, I still strongly believe that

this

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trend has numerous positive impacts on employees.

This

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essay will delve into my personal viewpoint and give a comprehensive analysis associated with

this

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topic. There are myriad reasons for the supportive perspective.

To begin

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with, it would not be an overstatement to say that living far from

friends

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and

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families

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family

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for career development plays a crucial role in everyone’s personal growth as it boosts self-esteem, problem-solving, and especially independence. Thereby, employees are able to weather many storms and learn how to deal with difficulties independently without needing help from others. Second of all, it goes without saying that

workers

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normally move far away from their

hometown

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hometowns

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or move abroad for better

job’s

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job

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opportunities.

As a result

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, it leads to the fact that

workers

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are enabled to receive higher incomes and have enormous chances to boost their quantity of experiences, which will help them get a better place in an organization.

Furthermore

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, living apart from your hometown

also

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accelerates and bolsters people’s concentration since it prevents them from getting disturbed by parties with

friends

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, relatives or

families

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On the other hand

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, there are plenty of reasons why moving away from your home is a negative modification. When it comes to feeling, the employees must

fill

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feel

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with sense of solitude and anxiety since they need time to adapt to new environments, co-

workers

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, and the cultural

tradition

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traditions

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of those places.

As a consequence

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, those new adaptations may lead to the fact that people have to go through a

quarter life

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quarter-life

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crisis period,

mental

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and mental

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health problems consist of depression,

burn

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and burn

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out

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apply

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Moreover

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workers

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tend to isolate

themselve

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themselves

from others, start doom-scrolling or using alcohol and cigarettes to charge their batteries, and slowly lose interaction with colleagues and people among them. In conclusion,

while

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the disadvantages of living apart from

friends

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and

families

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seem to outweigh the advantages, I still strongly subscribe to the view that the pros remain predominant from the cons.

Submitted by anhnguyen270407 on Sun Jun 02 2024

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task achievement

Your introduction is clear and provides a solid foundation for the arguments you present. However, it could be more concise to immediately grab the reader's attention. Consider briefly stating your main points in the introduction to give an overview of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main argument. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily and improve the overall coherence of your essay.

task achievement

Including more specific examples or personal anecdotes could strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing. For instance, you could mention specific career opportunities that might cause someone to move away or personal experiences of adaptation in new places.

coherence cohesion

Try to avoid repetition of similar ideas or phrases. For instance, the phrases 'living far from friends and families' and 'move far away from their hometown' carry similar meanings and could be varied to maintain reader interest.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a well-rounded structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in presenting your ideas in an organized manner.

task achievement

You’ve provided a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. This demonstrates critical thinking and a comprehensive understanding of the issue.

task achievement

Your language use is effective and demonstrates a good command of English. The vocabulary and expressions are appropriate and add to the essay's overall quality.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

377 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

career advancement
job opportunities
job market
salaries
personal growth
cultural horizons
adaptability
resilience
global perspective
emotional and psychological impact
loved ones
loneliness
homesickness
support network
long-distance relationships
emotional strain
face-to-face interactions
financial cost
housing deposits
travel costs
living expenses

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Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Write a report describing the information in the graph below. You should write at least 150 words. Writing task 1.

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