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Writing Samples
Band 5

the bar chart shows the percentage ò people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables pẻ day in the UK from 2001 to 2008

the bar chart shows the percentage ò people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables pẻ day in the UK from 2001 to 2008
#bar #percentage #people #five #portions #fruits #vegetables #pẻ #uk
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Contained in the bar chart is data pertaining to the proportion of individuals consuming 5
portions
Use synonyms
 of vegetables and fruits categorized by
men
Use synonyms
,
women
Use synonyms
, and
children
Use synonyms
 daily throughout
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 between 2001 and 2008
Overall
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 consumed the most meanwhile
children
Use synonyms
 were
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the percentage of 3 categories increased
along with
Linking Words
 the timeline. Looking at the first 3 years, the percentages of
men
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
ate
Correct pronoun usage
who ate
show examples
 5
portions
Use synonyms
 of fruits and vegetables were identical at about 18% and 12% in that order.
While
Linking Words
 just over a fifth of
women
Use synonyms
 consumed five
portions
Use synonyms
 at the beginning of the timeline, increasing gradually to approximately 27%. In 2004, it was 30% exactly
while
Linking Words
 nearly 21% and 17% of
men
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 ate five
portions
Use synonyms
 of fruits and vegetables. Turning to the remaining figures, in 2005, about 23% of
men
Use synonyms
 ate five
portions
Use synonyms
, rising steadily and ended at about 28%
whereas
Linking Words
 the ratio of
women
Use synonyms
 was about a third
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fluctuated and finished at 30%. Only about 18% of
children
Use synonyms
 in 2005, climbing up slowly and ended at about 22%.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words portions, men, women, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
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