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Writing Samples
Band 5

the bar chart shows the percentage ò people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables pẻ day in the UK from 2001 to 2008

the bar chart shows the percentage ò people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables pẻ day in the UK from 2001 to 2008
Contained in the bar chart is data pertaining to the proportion of individuals consuming 5
portions
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 of vegetables and fruits categorized by
men
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,
women
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, and
children
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 daily throughout
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 between 2001 and 2008
Overall
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 consumed the most meanwhile
children
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 were
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the percentage of 3 categories increased
along with
Linking Words
 the timeline. Looking at the first 3 years, the percentages of
men
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
ate
Correct pronoun usage
who ate
show examples
 5
portions
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 of fruits and vegetables were identical at about 18% and 12% in that order.
While
Linking Words
 just over a fifth of
women
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 consumed five
portions
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 at the beginning of the timeline, increasing gradually to approximately 27%. In 2004, it was 30% exactly
while
Linking Words
 nearly 21% and 17% of
men
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 and
children
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 ate five
portions
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 of fruits and vegetables. Turning to the remaining figures, in 2005, about 23% of
men
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 ate five
portions
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, rising steadily and ended at about 28%
whereas
Linking Words
 the ratio of
women
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 was about a third
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fluctuated and finished at 30%. Only about 18% of
children
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 in 2005, climbing up slowly and ended at about 22%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words portions, men, women, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
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