Write a letter to your manager to request setting up a cafeteria for the staff. In your letter, you should tell: what you heard about the inconvenience from the staff how you feel about it what suggestions you have

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Dear Sir, I am Kiranpreet Kaur, working as Shift Supervisor in your organization from 2021. I am writing to you
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the dissatisfaction expressed by staff members recently about the
15 minutes
Correct your spelling
15-minute

The words 15 minutes seem to be misspelled. Consider replacing them.

break criteria and a suggestion to help resolve
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

matter. Recently, I had a meeting with some
office
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

colleagues who told me that they have to eat their food
on
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their
office
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

desks when they have
a
Change the article
an

The article a may be incorrect. Consider changing it to agree with the beginning sound of the following word in-between.

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in-between
15 minutes
Correct your spelling
15-minute

The words 15 minutes seem to be misspelled. Consider replacing them.

break because
lunch
Correct article usage
the lunch

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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room is too far and they have to travel to the 3rd floor which wastes their time.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, during that short
break
Add a comma
break,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase during that short break. Consider adding a comma.

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they have to juggle with
office
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

work because of the continuous calls and Emails. So, they are not able
relieve
Add the particle
to relieve

It appears that the verb relieve should be in the to-infinitive form. Consider adding the word to.

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themselves during their break. In order to solve it, we need to provide them
a
Add the preposition
with a

It appears that you are missing a preposition with the verb provide. Consider adding the preposition.

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dedicated facility like a cafe where they can enjoy some leisure moments and distract themselves from
constant
Correct article usage
the constant

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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pressure they face. It could help them in improving their productivity and performance.
Finally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I can organize a meeting with some vendors and contractors who can start
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

hub on a temporary basis and we can evaluate the costs and the benefits of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

new venture. Let me know when we can meet up to discuss
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

issue and figure out a way to help the
office
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

employees. Yours faithfully, Kiranpreet Kaur
Submitted by Kiran on

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coherence
Consider breaking down some sentences to improve clarity. For instance, 'Recently, I had a meeting with some office colleagues who told me that they have to eat their food on their office desks when they have a in-between 15 minutes break because lunch room is too far and they have to travel to the 3rd floor which wastes their time' is a bit long and could be divided into two sentences for better readability.
task
To make your argument stronger, you could include a brief explanation of how a cafeteria would benefit the company as a whole, such as improved morale or reduced sick days.
tone
The letter is appropriately formal and polite, which suits the purpose and audience.
task
You have addressed all the required points about the staff’s inconvenience, your feelings, and your suggestion.
coherence
The closing paragraph is effective and provides a clear call to action, asking for a meeting to further discuss the issue.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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