IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You saw an advertisement for a tennis course in England but you have one or two problems and can’t stay the whole course. Write a letter to the course director. In your letter, explain your interest in the course describe your problems find out if a refund is possible

#advertisement #tennis #course #england #two #can’t #director #interest #refund
Dear Headmaster of Tennis
Course
, I hope
this
 letter finds you in good condition. I found some
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 in the newspaper about your tennis
course
, and I am writing
this
 letter to express my interest in joining your
course
 but I have several problems with it. A few weeks ago, I found
this
 information and I think
this
course
 is suitable for me. I have skills in tennis exercise but I think my skills are not enough to join in some
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
,
therefore
, I will join your
course
 to enhance my abilities until I am able to reach my goals to
follow
Verb problem
attend
show examples
 some
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
the next time.
On the other hand
, I have some problems
that's make
Change the verb form
that make
show examples
 me unable to solve my
course
 for three
months
. I will move to another city two
months
 later because my father has
solved
Verb problem
done
show examples
 his work in
this
 city,
therefore
, he must move to the new company. Unfortunately, I must follow him to the new place for his new job. Hopefully, I pardon you for allowing me to follow the
course
 for two
months
 and pay only for two
months
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 you be able to refund my registration payment for a month.
Finally
, I hope you understand my situation. Thank you for your attention in advance, and I waiting for your forward too soon. Yours Sincerely Alfian,
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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task achievement
Your letter adequately addresses the task but lacks some details and clarity. For instance, specify the start and end date of the course, and mention the exact dates you can attend.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of information can be improved. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea. For instance, separate your explanation of your interest in the course and your problems into distinct paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are grammatically incorrect or awkward. For example, 'I found some advertisement in the newspaper' should be 'I found an advertisement in the newspaper.' Pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are polite and appropriate.
task achievement
You clearly express your interest in improving your tennis skills and your reasons for joining the course.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is formal, which is suitable for the context.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • course director
  • inquire
  • attend
  • commitments
  • refund
  • partial refund
  • alternative solutions
  • improve skills
  • unfortunately
  • unable
  • regret
What to do next:
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