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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the percentage of men and women who did various free time activities in England.

The chart below shows the percentage of men and women who did various free time activities in England.
#percentage #men #women #time #activities #england
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Presented for consideration is a bar chart depicting the proportion of individuals, of both genders, doing different activities during their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 in England.
Overall
Linking Words
 most of the mentioned activities were done more by males than
females
Use synonyms
, with the exception of shopping and spending
time
Use synonyms
 with family, which more
women
Use synonyms
 did than men.
In addition
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, the majority of English, for both sexes, chose to watch TV in their free
time
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the opposite was true for playing computer games. Looking at the first four sectors in the chart in
further
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 detail, it is apparent that watching TV was the most popular choice among seven referred enterprises, whose figures were both merely over three quarters.
Following
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this
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 was spending
time
Use synonyms
 with family, where
women
Use synonyms
 accounted for approximately 77%, around 1% higher than men which was about 76%. Doing exercise and reading had the percentages from 75% downward, particularly 75% accurately of the total number of males and around 73% of
women
Use synonyms
 deciding to do sport to kill the free
time
Use synonyms
, and respectively 74% and 72% pertaining to reading. With regard to shopping, a large number of
females
Use synonyms
 went shopping in their leisure
time
Use synonyms
, recording at merely below 75%;
whereas
Linking Words
male
Add an article
the male
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 figure was just about 26%, nearly a third of
females
Use synonyms
. Turning to the two remaining categories, the disparities are less significant. As only around a tenth of men and 15% of
women
Use synonyms
 opted for enjoying computer games, playing computer games was considered the lowest category compared to others. Regarding using the Internet, there was approximately 74% of males chose
this
Linking Words
 kind of entertainment, nearly twice as much as
females
Use synonyms
, which was just about 32%.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, females, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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