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Band 7.5

The chart below shows the percentage of men and women who did various time activities in England.

The chart below shows the percentage of men and women who did various time activities in England.
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The provided chart illustrates the proportion of males and females doing divergent activities throughout their leisure time in England. In general, it can be observed that
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 prefer many creational entertainment,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 spend their spare time on reasonable ideas,
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, both genders are not interested in playing computer games compared with of-leisure activities. Looking at the chart in detail, the proportion of watching TV, and spending time with family of both genders had a slight difference, with all over 75%. In terms of doing sport or exercise and reading,
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 are preferable with exactly 75% and around 73%, in comparison with around 72% and 70%, respectively. With regard to the remaining statistics, there was a significant difference between males and females. The proportion of
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 who went shopping was nearly three times higher than that of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males

It seems that male may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
, at around 75% and over 25%, respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the opposite trend was seen in internet usage, with approximately 75% compared with about 35% of
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the figure for playing computer games in both
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 was the lowest, the ratio for
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 was relatively higher than for
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, at 23% and 19%, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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