You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You decide to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your letter: •introduce yourself •explain what experience and special skills you have •explain why you are interested in the job
#advertisement #english #newspaper #job #city #museum #shop #holidays #director #•introduce #•explain #skills
DEAR SIR,
I HOPE
THIS
LETTER YOU ARE DOING WELL. IAM
WRITING Correct your spelling
I AM
THIS
LETTER TO YOU ABOUT
I WANT TO BE AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR MY Change preposition
BECAUSE
JOB
, BECAUSE I REALLY NEED THIS
A
Correct article usage
apply
JOB
NEARBY
MY BOARDING HOUSE. I Correct your spelling
NEAR
DECIDE
TO APPLY MY DOCUMENT AND CURRICULUM VITAE TO YOU.
MY NAME IS DESI MANIS, Wrong verb form
HAVE DECIDED
IAM
23
TH YEARS OLD, I LIVE IN JAVA Add a missing verb
AM 23
NEARBY
Correct your spelling
NEAR
CITY
MUSEUM SHOP, AND Correct article usage
THE CITY
IAM
Correct your spelling
I AM
FRESH
GRADUATE Correct article usage
A FRESH
THIS
YEAR.
I HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE LIKE I WAS BECOME ADMINISTRATION IN THE FAMOUSE SHOP, AND I WAS MAKE SOME ADVERTISEMENT IN GIVE GROUP IS VERY FAMILIAR IN THIS
COUNTRY. RI IN MY VIEW IAM
VERY SUITABLE FOR THIS
JOB
.
I REALLY LIKE THIS
JOB
BECAUSE,
NEARBY AT Remove the comma
apply
BOARDING
HOUSE AND I Correct article usage
THE BOARDING
LIKE
Add the particle
LIKE TO
MAKE
Wrong verb form
MAKING
VIDEO
AND Fix the agreement mistake
VIDEOS
THEN
I IMMEDIATELLY
EDIT BY Correct your spelling
IMMEDIATELY
ME
. I Correct pronoun usage
MYSELF
LAWAYS
CONFIDENT Correct your spelling
ALWAYS
WITH
MY SKILL IS I HAVE.
I HOPE YOU CAN Change preposition
IN
MAKE
BUSINESS WITH ME AND HOPEFULY, YOU GIVE ME WORK IN YOUR OFFICE. THANK YOU FOR Verb problem
DO
NICE
YOUR Correct word choice
apply
ATENTION
, Correct your spelling
ATTENTION
IAM
LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING FOR SOON.
SINCERELY,
DEACorrect your spelling
AM
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on
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task achievement
The letter introduces the writer, describes their experience and skills, and explains their interest in the job, which is good. However, it could be more detailed and clearer in each point.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by organizing the text better. For instance, separate the introduction, experience, and reasons for interest into distinct paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
There are a number of grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that need to be corrected for clarity and professionalism. Consider proofreading or asking someone proficient in English to help review your letter.
task achievement
Use a more formal and respectful tone, especially in the opening and closing of the letter. This will demonstrate professionalism.
task achievement
The letter addresses all the required points: introduction, experience, and reasons for interest, showing a complete response to the task.
task achievement
The writer shows enthusiasm for the job and relates their skills and experience, which is positive.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite