You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You decide to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your letter: •introduce yourself •explain what experience and special skills you have •explain why you are interested in the job

#advertisement #english #newspaper #job #city #museum #shop #holidays #director #•introduce #•explain #skills

DEAR SIR, I HOPE

THIS

LETTER YOU ARE DOING WELL.

IAM

Correct your spelling

I AM

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WRITING

THIS

LETTER TO YOU

ABOUT

Change preposition

BECAUSE

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I WANT TO BE AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR MY

JOB

, BECAUSE I REALLY NEED

THIS

Correct article usage

apply

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JOB

NEARBY

Correct your spelling

NEAR

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MY BOARDING HOUSE. I

DECIDE

Wrong verb form

HAVE DECIDED

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TO APPLY MY DOCUMENT AND CURRICULUM VITAE TO YOU. MY NAME IS DESI MANIS,

IAM

Add a missing verb

AM 23

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TH YEARS OLD, I LIVE IN JAVA

NEARBY

Correct your spelling

NEAR

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CITY

Correct article usage

THE CITY

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MUSEUM SHOP, AND

IAM

Correct your spelling

I AM

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FRESH

Correct article usage

A FRESH

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GRADUATE

THIS

YEAR. I HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE LIKE I WAS BECOME ADMINISTRATION IN THE FAMOUSE SHOP, AND I WAS MAKE SOME ADVERTISEMENT IN GIVE GROUP IS VERY FAMILIAR IN

THIS

COUNTRY. RI IN MY VIEW

IAM

VERY SUITABLE FOR

THIS

JOB

. I REALLY LIKE

THIS

JOB

BECAUSE

Remove the comma

apply

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NEARBY AT

BOARDING

Correct article usage

THE BOARDING

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HOUSE AND I

Add the particle

LIKE TO

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MAKE

Wrong verb form

MAKING

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VIDEO

Fix the agreement mistake

VIDEOS

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AND

THEN

IMMEDIATELLY

Correct your spelling

IMMEDIATELY

EDIT BY

Correct pronoun usage

MYSELF

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. I

LAWAYS

Correct your spelling

ALWAYS

CONFIDENT

WITH

Change preposition

show examples

MY SKILL IS I HAVE. I HOPE YOU CAN

MAKE

Verb problem

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BUSINESS WITH ME AND HOPEFULY, YOU GIVE ME WORK IN YOUR OFFICE. THANK YOU FOR

NICE

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

YOUR

ATENTION

Correct your spelling

ATTENTION

IAM

Correct your spelling

LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING FOR SOON. SINCERELY, DEA

Submitted by patricius.yohanes on Fri Jun 07 2024

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task achievement

The letter introduces the writer, describes their experience and skills, and explains their interest in the job, which is good. However, it could be more detailed and clearer in each point.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical structure by organizing the text better. For instance, separate the introduction, experience, and reasons for interest into distinct paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

There are a number of grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that need to be corrected for clarity and professionalism. Consider proofreading or asking someone proficient in English to help review your letter.

task achievement

Use a more formal and respectful tone, especially in the opening and closing of the letter. This will demonstrate professionalism.

task achievement

The letter addresses all the required points: introduction, experience, and reasons for interest, showing a complete response to the task.

task achievement

The writer shows enthusiasm for the job and relates their skills and experience, which is positive.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

173 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Dear Director,
enthusiastic applicant
pursuing a degree in
customer service experience
volunteer work
multilingual
cash handling
POS systems
team player
punctual
excellent communicator
cultural enthusiast
part-time position
professional references available
at your earliest convenience

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Several languages are in danger of extinction because they are spoken by very small numbers of people. Some people say that governments should spend public money on saving these langugages, while others believe that would be a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your opinions

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