IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

(Livia) Your manager has asked you to arrange a party for a colleague who is leaving the company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter – Suggest a suitable date and time for the party – Recommend a venue – Propose the food and entertainment options that should be available.

#livia #manager #party #colleague #company #date #time #venue #food #entertainment #options
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
 letter in response to your request
for arranging
Change preposition
to arrange
show examples
party
Add an article
a party
show examples
 for Livia as she is leaving the firm on 30th June 2024. As you are aware
that
Correct word choice
apply
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we follow
5-day
Correct article usage
a 5-day
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 week working culture so everyone in the office will have time to attend it on Saturday
on
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apply
show examples
30th June. I had asked everyone about
preferred
Correct article usage
the preferred
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 time for
party
Add an article
a party
the party
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 and they had agreed on 5.30 pm to 8.30 pm as suitable
timings
Replace the word
time
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. I had shortlisted
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 hotels for
party
Add an article
the party
a party
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 as
venue
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venues
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 and
hotel
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hotels
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Marriot
 and
Sheraton
 are two
option
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options
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 to choose from.
Sheraton
 has a large
party
 hall and a
disco
 so that everyone
enjoys
Correct pronoun usage
enjoys it
show examples
.
while
Marriot
 has a Garden and a
Disco
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
Sheraton
 will be more suitable
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
party
Add an article
a party
the party
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 venue.
In addition
 to
that
Add a comma
that,
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 each hotel has mouthwatering menus.
Sheraton
 has continental,
Thai
Correct word choice
and Thai
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as
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apply
show examples
food
option
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options
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while
Marriot
 has European, Japanese and Indian
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
.
Sheraton
 will have
DJ
Correct article usage
a DJ
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 in
disco
Correct article usage
the disco
show examples
 who plays retro, pop music to entertain us,
while
Marriot
 DJ
specialised
Wrong verb form
specialises
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 in rock,
pop
Correct word choice
and pop
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 music. We can enjoy ourselves in
disco
Correct article usage
the disco
show examples
. Please provide feedback on
venue
Correct article usage
the venue
show examples
 selection and menu. Yours faithfully, Jim Rogers
Submitted by yash334 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider separating some ideas more clearly into individual paragraphs, such as the discussion of venue options versus food and entertainment options.
task achievement
Ensure consistent use of articles and punctuation to improve the clarity of your sentences. For example, 'has mouthwatering menus' could be 'both hotels have mouthwatering menus.'
task achievement
The writing tone is appropriate and professional, which fits well with the context of writing to a manager.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are well-structured and courteous, which is suitable for a formal letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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