IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

task1: The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features

#figure #trends #scotland #summarise #information #features
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The line chart illustrates demographic trends of birth
rate
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 , population growth
rate
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 and
death
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rate
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 in Scotland in the period of 1940-2020. In general , the population of Scotland decreased dramatically from 1940 to 2020 . Noticeably , at the beginning of the 21st century , the proportion of the
death
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rate
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 has significantly.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph , from 1940 to 1945 the birth
rate
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 decreased rapidly.
Then
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 , it increased gradually until 1950
then
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 continuously decreased slowly and sustainably. The
death
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rate
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expresses
Verb problem
experienced
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 a lot of fluctuation from 1940 to 2020.
Firstly
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 , the
death
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rate
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 decreased
about
Change preposition
by about
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 1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 gradually from 1940 to 1945 . Next , it continued remaining stable for a long time to 2019 . And
then
Linking Words
 , the
death
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rate
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 increased slightly to 2020 . Turning to other features of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 growth
rate
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 , there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a lot of fluctuation from 1940 to 1970 . The
rate
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 peaked at 1,5
percent
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per cent
show examples
 in the 1950s . Since 1970 , the
rate
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 has
experience
Change the verb form
experienced
show examples
 a steady decrease until the 21st century and there is expected to be a negative growth.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

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coherence cohesion
It is important to make sure every part of the essay logically follows from the previous one. Consider re-structuring some sentences to make the sequence of ideas clearer. For example, combine sentences where possible.
task achievement
Provide more specific details and data from the chart to support your summary. Explicitly stating more figures and trends will enhance your task response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure consistency in your tense usage. Sometimes the essay switches among past, present, and future tenses, which impacts clarity.
general
Your introduction provides a clear statement on what the chart is about.
complete response
The essay appropriately focuses on the main trends in demographic data and does not get bogged down in minor details.
coherence cohesion
Your generalizations about the data, such as the decreasing population and fluctuating death rate, are accurate and appropriate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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