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Band 7

The graph below show the percentage of math graduates and other graduates who got full time job after graduating from a university in Australia, and also show the average salary of both these types of graduates, from 2004 to 2012

The graph below show the percentage of math graduates and other graduates who got full time job after graduating from a university in Australia, and also show the average salary of both these types of graduates, from 2004 to 2012
The two graphs give information about the proportion of full-time workers who hold a university degree and
also
Linking Words
 give data about the average salary of these
graduates
Use synonyms
 who studied maths and the students who studied other subjects.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 had a higher rate of having a full-time job than the other
graduates
Use synonyms
, it can
also
Linking Words
 be observed that the average salary of both
graduates
Use synonyms
 enjoyed an upward trend.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the salary of other
graduates
Use synonyms
 tends to increase more steadily than
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 2004
Use synonyms
math
Correct article usage
the math
show examples
graduates
Use synonyms
 percentage started at 80%
while
Linking Words
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
graduates
Use synonyms
 rate was under 70% and both experienced a rise in 2005.
While
Linking Words
 other
graduates
Use synonyms
 increased sharply to nearly 90% and decreased slightly to about 85%. In 2008,
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 only increased to above 80% and continued to rise at the same rate as other
graduates
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 fell down steadily to about 75%. Other
graduates
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 continued to fall each year and ended up at the same percentage at the start of 2012 Turning to the remaining features,
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 salaries increased a large amount of money every 2 years but the amount of cash shows a different number
while
Linking Words
 other
graduates
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 started at 41,000 dollars in 2004 but increased an amount of 2,000 dollars every 2 years in the mentioned timeline and only doubled the cash once between 2010 and 2012.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, math with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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