In recent time, young adults are spending less time with their families and more with their friends. Why has this occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend their time at home?
In recent decades , youngsters prefer to spend their
time
with their friends rather than to spend their time
with family. In my opinion , they should be free and enjoy their lives. In my future paragraphs , I will explain my main idea about this
issue.
To begin
with , it is clear that
almost most children prefer to be with their friends nowadays. For instance
, they like to go to
travel and enjoy Verb problem
apply
without
any pressure from Correct pronoun usage
themselves without
families
. Correct pronoun usage
their families
Although
they may do some wrong things , parents should let them experiment with new experiences and learn from their wrongs. On the other hand
, it is undeniable that some problems are not predictable as well as
dangerous considerably. Furthermore
, family like to spend some time
with their children that
Correct word choice
which
it
Correct your spelling
is
can be
correct. Verb problem
apply
By contrast
, usually , youth are cast away by family due to
their choices.
It is my notion that young people have a different world in their mind in modern society due to
improvements in technology , such
as developing communications.So they are not interested in old relationships among family. For example
, some rituals are not attractive to them and it is very boring to do for young people.In my opinion , we should give freedom to our children and take care of them at a distance according to
special rules. Moreover
, we can make many entertainments for spending our time
with youngsters.
To sum up
, young people are keen on spending their time
with their friends recently . As a consequence
, families should give them the right to choose. Furthermore
, create some plans for spending time
together.Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on
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coherence
Your essay is structured logically, but there are some abrupt transitions between ideas. Use linking words and phrases such as 'moreover,' 'furthermore,' or 'in addition' to guide the reader through your points more smoothly.
task achievement
Your main points are generally clear, but you should support them with more detailed examples and explanations. This will make your arguments more persuasive and easier to follow.
coherence
Try to elaborate more on your conclusion. Summarize the main points that you have discussed to reinforce your stance.
coherence
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which wraps up your argument nicely.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the task well, explaining why young adults spend more time with friends and discussing whether parents should force their children to spend time at home.