Nowadays childrens watches a lot of TV and play video games. however, some people think that these activities are not good for a child mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#childrens #watches #tv #video #games #people #activities #child #health

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People hold distinctive opinions regarding a debate which is linked to

mental

Add an article

the mental

show examples

health

Use synonyms

of a child. Some people argue that watching TV and playing

video

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games

Use synonyms

are not useful for

children

Use synonyms

health

Use synonyms

, others claim that these activities are beneficial for

offsprings's

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring's

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intellectual

health

Use synonyms

. In my opinion,

although

Linking Words

there are plausible arguments to support

this

Linking Words

perspective, there are

also

Linking Words

reasons to disagree with it. The major reason why some people are in favour of watching TV and playing

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

are

Change the verb form

show examples

not healthy for a kid is that

television

Use synonyms

includes a variety of programmes and

vast

Add an article

the vast

show examples

majority of

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

shows

Correct subject-verb agreement

show

show examples

inapproriate

Correct your spelling

inappropriate

scenes.

Moreover

Linking Words

, minors can easily imitate what they watch and they can make bad habits. In light of

this

Linking Words

reality, these patterns can quickly turn into their features and they face some troubles in their school and business lives in the lung run.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, every youngster has mobile phones, computers, and tablets to play

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

in the modern world.

However

Linking Words

, playing

such

Linking Words

a game affects adversely their lives because of addiction.

According to

Linking Words

psychologists, the number of

children

Use synonyms

who are addicted to

these kind

Change the determiner

this kind

these kinds

show examples

games

Use synonyms

is increasing sharply every passing day and they unfortunately

acquires

Change the verb form

acquire

show examples

bad obsessions.

In contrast

Linking Words

to the argument clarified above, there is

also

Linking Words

a significant reason to be against the idea

Change preposition

that

show examples

watching

television

Use synonyms

and playing

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

are not good for a

child

Change noun form

child's

show examples

mental

health

Use synonyms

. In the contemporary world, almost all ages can properly use technological devices from

television

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to tablets and they gain knowledge about their

world's

Change noun form

world

show examples

. With the ever-rising number of

children

Use synonyms

, they have to compete with each other to be the best in their environment.

Besides

Linking Words

, they can be exposed to watching

television

Use synonyms

and playing

games

Use synonyms

to be aware of everything.

For

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason, there are a variety

applications

Change preposition

of applications

show examples

to improve

children

Use synonyms

's skills

such

Linking Words

as coordination, stress management, and

problem solving

Add a hyphen

problem-solving

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, Cambly is the most

outstandig

Correct your spelling

outstanding

and useful application

due to

Linking Words

Correct pronoun usage

its desing

show examples

desing

Correct your spelling

design

of it.

To conclude

Linking Words

, having elucidated both perspectives, I think it can be concluded that ignoring the vital points claimed by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

any of the two sides above would result in undesirable circumstances.

Submitted by sevdetekin17 on Thu Jun 13 2024

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task achievement

While you have given a balanced view of the topic, it's important to ensure that each point is elaborated more thoroughly. Try to expand on how TV and video games can positively and negatively influence children’s mental health in more detail.

coherence cohesion

Be careful with grammatical mistakes and spelling errors. For example, 'offsprings's' should be 'offspring's'. There are also some minor errors such as 'the lung run' which should be 'the long run'. Review your essay for these small mistakes.

task achievement

There's a need for more relevant specific examples. For instance, providing specific examples from research or real-life cases would make your arguments stronger and more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Your paragraphs are logically ordered and you have both an introduction and a conclusion, which is great. However, make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Linking phrases and clearer transitions would enhance the overall cohesion.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction sets the context well and clearly outlines both perspectives on the issue before giving your own opinion. This is well-structured and engages the reader.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion does a good job summarizing the two sides of the argument and restating your balanced view. This brings closure to the essay effectively.

task achievement

You've demonstrated good comprehension of the topic by presenting arguments on both sides. This shows a thorough understanding of the complexity of the issue.

task achievement

The application example, Cambly, is a nice touch in demonstrating how TV and video games can be utilized for educational purposes. This adds depth to your argument about the potential benefits.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

357 words

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Nowadays childrens watches a lot of TV and play video games. however, some people think that these activities are not good for a child mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

many people say that the only way to ensure a good job is to complete a course in university education. to what extend do you agree or disagree

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country Discuss both these views and gives you opinion.