Nowadays childrens watches a lot of TV and play video games. however, some people think that these activities are not good for a child mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People hold distinctive opinions regarding a debate which is linked to
mental
Add an article
the mental
health
of a child. Some people argue that watching TV and playing video
games
are not useful for children
's health
, others claim that these activities are beneficial for offsprings's
intellectual Fix the agreement mistake
offspring's
health
. In my opinion, although
there are plausible arguments to support this
perspective, there are also
reasons to disagree with it.
The major reason why some people are in favour of watching TV and playing video
games
are
not healthy for a kid is that Change the verb form
is
television
includes a variety of programmes and vast
majority of Add an article
the vast
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
inapproriate
scenes. Correct your spelling
inappropriate
Moreover
, minors can easily imitate what they watch and they can make bad habits. In light of this
reality, these patterns can quickly turn into their features and they face some troubles in their school and business lives in the lung run. Furthermore
, every youngster has mobile phones, computers, and tablets to play video
games
in the modern world. However
, playing such
a game affects adversely their lives because of addiction. According to
psychologists, the number of children
who are addicted to these kind
of Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
games
is increasing sharply every passing day and they unfortunately acquires
bad obsessions.
Change the verb form
acquire
In contrast
to the argument clarified above, there is also
a significant reason to be against the idea of
watching Change preposition
that
television
and playing video
games
are not good for a child
mental Change noun form
child's
health
. In the contemporary world, almost all ages can properly use technological devices from television
to tablets and they gain knowledge about their world's
. With the ever-rising number of Change noun form
world
children
, they have to compete with each other to be the best in their environment. Besides
, they can be exposed to watching television
and playing games
to be aware of everything. For
this
reason, there are a variety applications
to improve Change preposition
of applications
children
's skills such
as coordination, stress management, and problem solving
. Add a hyphen
problem-solving
For instance
, Cambly is the most outstandig
and useful application Correct your spelling
outstanding
due to
Correct pronoun usage
its desing
desing
of it.
Correct your spelling
design
To conclude
, having elucidated both perspectives, I think it can be concluded that ignoring the vital points claimed by the
any of the two sides above would result in undesirable circumstances.Correct article usage
apply
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task achievement
While you have given a balanced view of the topic, it's important to ensure that each point is elaborated more thoroughly. Try to expand on how TV and video games can positively and negatively influence children’s mental health in more detail.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with grammatical mistakes and spelling errors. For example, 'offsprings's' should be 'offspring's'. There are also some minor errors such as 'the lung run' which should be 'the long run'. Review your essay for these small mistakes.
task achievement
There's a need for more relevant specific examples. For instance, providing specific examples from research or real-life cases would make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are logically ordered and you have both an introduction and a conclusion, which is great. However, make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Linking phrases and clearer transitions would enhance the overall cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the context well and clearly outlines both perspectives on the issue before giving your own opinion. This is well-structured and engages the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion does a good job summarizing the two sides of the argument and restating your balanced view. This brings closure to the essay effectively.
task achievement
You've demonstrated good comprehension of the topic by presenting arguments on both sides. This shows a thorough understanding of the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
The application example, Cambly, is a nice touch in demonstrating how TV and video games can be utilized for educational purposes. This adds depth to your argument about the potential benefits.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example