IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

“Groups and organizations form a vital part of people’s lives. Why do people join groups? What role do groups play in people’s lives? Support your opinion with specific reasons.”

#“groups #organizations #form #part #people’s #lives #people #groups #role #support
Nowadays,many
people
 support the idea of teamwork and
groups
 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
 role in
Correct article usage
the humans'
show examples
humans'
Fix the agreement mistake
human'
show examples
 community.
This
 essay will explore the
fact
Fix the agreement mistake
facts
show examples
 that
impacts
Correct subject-verb agreement
impact
show examples
people
's lives and the reasons behind individuals would like to participate in
organizations
. To
beginning
Wrong verb form
begin
show examples
 with,humans are a
part
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society includes a wide variety of
groups
.Most of all, the
groups
 play an essential role in the process of socialization,from children to adults.We begin taking
part
 in
groups
 or
organizations
 during the early days of life, and especially most
people
 continue their social participation
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 life. By making teamwork, the children in schools may learn to how to get
along with
 others. As university students, it is likely for them to join student
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 of their major in order to expand their experiences or communicate with others. After graduating from
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
, employees might go to business associations for various business resources and benefits.
Thus
, almost
of
Correct pronoun usage
all of
show examples
 us live in the environment of
groups
. By participating in an organization, it is a positive way for
people
 to obtain some experiences
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a particular purpose. A solid group can be a suited environment, which provides
people
 to improve themselves or broaden their horizons.
For example
, as a student majoring in mass media, I have taken
part
 in
mass
Correct article usage
a mass
show examples
 media student group for a year. When being in the department of art, I have not only learned how to do a project
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 known some famous artists during the term.
Above all
, it is
advantage
Add an article
an advantage
the advantage
show examples
 which
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 an opportunity on my resume for the sake of getting a better job.
Furthermore
,
groups
 and
organizations
 would lead
people
 to take action or achieve their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
. Here is an example: there are various charities in the world. Tzu Chi, a non-profit
Buddhism
Replace the word
Buddhist
show examples
 organization in Taiwan, is famous for contributing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social and community services, and medical care. They bring
hopes
Fix the agreement mistake
hope
show examples
 and inspire others with their generous spirit.
For accomplishing
Change preposition
To accomplish
show examples
 their missions, the charity should gather
people
 who are volunteers and sponsors for those difficult tasks.
As a result
, they lit the light for the poor and victims;
in addition
, they could have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 in need from all over the world. For the above reasons and examples, it could be widely thought that
groups
 or
organizations
 are a vital
part
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 us in plenty of aspects in different ages and in different backgrounds
Submitted by zuhrakhirie1997 on

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task achievement
The essay covers the task adequately and provides relevant reasons and examples. However, clarity and comprehension could be improved in some areas. Consider rephrasing some sentences for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure better paragraph transitions and maintain a logical structure throughout the essay. Revisiting some parts to offer a smoother flow of ideas might help.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has an introduction and a conclusion, ensuring these sections are clearly defined and concise can enhance the overall structure.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the points made, which enhances comprehension.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported, which strengthens the arguments presented.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sense of belonging
  • Networking opportunities
  • Support system
  • Skill development
  • Social influence
  • Identity
  • Mentors
  • Collaborators
  • Emotional wellbeing
  • Professional organizations
  • Career skills
  • Reinforcement
  • Worldview
  • Motivation
  • Accountability
  • Diversity
  • Exposure
  • Cognitive flexibility
  • Hobby group
  • Fitness group
  • Community
What to do next:
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