IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to solve the traffic and transportation problem is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs or countryside. What are the effects of rapid population growth in the city? How can the quality of life city dwellers be maintain?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The boom of job offers in the
city
Use synonyms
 encouraged more suburban people to move
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
city
Use synonyms
 where they live closer to the workplace and could save time from traffic and public transport.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 unexpected phenomenon
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 a decrease in the comfort of
city
Use synonyms
 dwellers,
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss several problems and possible solutions. On the bright side, the growth of population in the
city
Use synonyms
 area contributed to a more productive workforce and
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in economic growth.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 development is parallel with the increase of private cars and other
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 swarming the streets, which will end up polluting the
city
Use synonyms
 horrendously.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, people are starting to feel extremely uncomfortable
to travel
Change the verb form
travelling
show examples
 in packed public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the occurrence of
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
 cases from people getting trampled underneath the crowd because of rush hour.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
,
here
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 are several urgent steps to be applied before the
city
Use synonyms
 becomes dangerous, especially for young children and elders. By focusing on mobility, it is hoped that the life quality in the
city
Use synonyms
 could be maintained by a better crown organization.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there has to be an upgrade for the quality of public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as electric busses that will contribute to better air quality.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there should be an addition
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the train and bus schedule, in order to slow down the pace.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the government should give incentives to workplaces that are willing
set
Fix the infinitive
to set
show examples
 up their office in areas that are less crowded. In conclusion, the rapid growth in population may have several negative
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
, including
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution, rush hour, and public safety.
However
Linking Words
, there are some solutions to fix
this
Linking Words
 problem,
such
Linking Words
 as upgrading and organizing public transport
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and giving incentives to offices located
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a less crowded area.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support each main point. This will help to illustrate your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next. Make use of transitional phrases and sentences to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more fully. Ensure that each paragraph includes enough detail and explanation to support the argument being made.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt fully, discussing both the effects of population growth in cities and the ways in which quality of life can be maintained.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The essay's structure is easy to follow.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Overcrowding
  • Urban sprawl
  • Congestion
  • Public transport
  • Pollution
  • Waste management
  • Green spaces
  • Sustainable planning
  • Mixed-use developments
  • Compact city
  • Smart city
  • Affordable housing
  • Social cohesion
  • Infrastructure
  • Metropolitan
  • Ecosystem
  • Urban renewal
  • Zoning regulations
  • Mass transit systems
What to do next:
Look at other essays: