Many businesses think that the new employees who have just graduated from schools lack interpersonal skills, such as working with colleagues as a team. What has caused this and what are the solutions to this problem?
There are a lot of employers assuming that young people after graduation from
schools
have Fix the agreement mistake
school
no
enough ability for team working. That's a Correct your spelling
not
primery
reason Correct your spelling
primary
to
Change preposition
for
unemployment
of young specialists.
I guess, Correct article usage
the unemployment
this
caused
Add a missing verb
is caused
on
account of Change preposition
apply
faith
that the elders are ever better than Add an article
the faith
youngers
with interpersonal connections, work Correct your spelling
younger
skills
, knowlege
etc.
Correct your spelling
knowledge
I'm strongly disagree
with Change the verb form
I strongly disagree
this
statement, and I would try to explain my opinion and to offer some kind of solution to this
problem.
Firstly
, I am convinced, that people have a lot of skills
thatare
not related to their education. There is an influence of environment, family, Correct your spelling
that are
socio-economical
status, Correct your spelling
socioeconomic
school
staff. We can see Correct word choice
and school
a
young children in a Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
kindergarden
or Correct your spelling
kindergarten
primery
school: some of them with a lot of friends, others with a lack of Correct your spelling
primary
communucations
.
Correct your spelling
communications
communication
Moreover
, it's clearly
that there is Change the word
clear
the
great number of Correct article usage
a
expirienced
employees, Correct your spelling
experienced
that
have no idea about Correct pronoun usage
who
team-work
, Correct your spelling
teamwork
ever
after classes and courses. And Correct your spelling
even
sometime
just the young employee Replace the word
sometimes
have
enough power to change Change the verb form
has
this
situation. For instance
, in my last
workplace in oncology
department, there was Add an article
the oncology
the
nursing student, Hadas, Correct article usage
a
that
started Correct pronoun usage
who
her
working as a nurse after graduating Correct pronoun usage
apply
school
, Change preposition
from school
23
years old. Today, after two years, she is a deputy head nurse, the best Change preposition
at 23
this
department ever had. So, we can see transparently that there is neither
connection between age and Rephrase
no
communicating
Replace the word
communication
skills
.
Now then
, what can I offer to solve this
problem? Lets
start Replace the word
Let's
Let us
to recruit
Change the verb form
recruiting
the
post-graduation employees, They have Correct article usage
apply
a
fresh Correct article usage
apply
knowlege
and Correct your spelling
knowledge
skills
, they will exchange them with the elder employees. Furthermore
, they will be more loyality
to your business. You'll have an opportunity to educate them
to your needs.Correct your spelling
loyalty
loyal
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task achievement
Although the introduction presents the problem, it could be made stronger by clearly stating the main points that will be discussed in your essay. For instance, explicitly mention the causes and solutions you will address.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more logical structure. Each paragraph should introduce a single main idea that is clearly related to the task. Dividing the essay into causes and solutions can help.
task achievement
There are several grammatical errors that sometimes hinder clarity. For example, 'knowlege' should be 'knowledge', and 'communicating skills' should be 'communication skills'. Reading the essay aloud or using grammar checking tools could help identify and correct these errors.
coherence cohesion
Linking words like 'Firstly', 'Moreover', and 'For instance' are used well to connect ideas, but ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly from one to the next. Perhaps adding more transitions between the ideas presented could improve the coherence.
task achievement
The essay offers a relevant personal example that enhances the explanation of a young employee's potential. This adds depth to your argument.
task achievement
Your contention that young graduates have valuable knowledge and skills offers a fresh perspective and is well-supported by a real-life example.
coherence cohesion
The use of linking words helps in creating a more coherent structure, making the essay easier to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.