IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The graphic indicates the gender ratio of teachers in six kinds of UK education in 2010.

#gender #ratio #teachers #six #kinds #uk #education
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The graphic indicates the gender proportion of masters
six
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in six
show examples
 kinds of British education in 2010. From
glan
Correct your spelling
glance
show examples
ce
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ce,
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 it can be seen the fraction of
women
tutors
 decreases as the
level
 of education increases with that of male instructors showing the opposite.
Overall
, what stands out from the chart is that female teachers were significantly more likely to teach in earlier grades,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more
men
Correct your spelling
male
show examples
tutors
 dominated.
However
, the ratio of lectures of both sexes was equal at the college
level
.
A
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At a
show examples
 glance at the bar chart,by far the highest
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of educators in nursery
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
 were females at 95% as opposed
men
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to men
show examples
0,5
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at 0,5
show examples
,% .
Second
Correct article usage
The second
show examples
 highest
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of education in primary school
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
women
 90%
men
 10%. At the secondary
level
Add a comma
level,
show examples
 the numbers of
women
 and male school teachers differed slightly at 55% and 45% respectively.
On the other hand
,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 were 45% and
men
 were 45% of both sexes was equal at the college
level
.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
men
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 proportion
private
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of private
show examples
 training
institute
Fix the agreement mistake
institutes
show examples
 55%
women
 40%
men
. The
presentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 dars depicts that male
tutors
 mostly
Correct your spelling
taught
taughr
Correct your spelling
taught
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 higher
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
while
 more
men
Correct your spelling
male
show examples
 teachers were teaching
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university opposed
women
 25% . In summary, male
tutors
 in the
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 higher in numbers in upper grades
while
this
 was completely opposite
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 primary and
pre-,school
Correct your spelling
pre--school
 levels.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

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grammar
There are noticeable grammatical errors such as 'From glan ce', 'fraction of women tutors'. Work on sentence construction and ensure consistency in naming conventions.
clarity
Some parts of the essay are difficult to understand and this lack of clarity affects comprehension. Ensure that your ideas flow logically and that each sentence builds on the one before it.
specific examples
Your essay needs quantifiable examples and specific details from the data provided. Make sure to refer to exact percentages and figures to support your claims effectively.
balance
The essay needs balanced coverage of all noted educational levels. Give equal weight to each level of education to offer a more thorough analysis.
proofreading
Make sure to proofread your essay to avoid typographical errors and ensure proper punctuation. This will significantly improve readability and coherence.
introduction
Your introduction succinctly introduces the topic and clearly lays out the main trend observed in the data.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the key findings from the data.
structure
You have attempted to provide a logical order in your essay, transitioning from one educational level to another systematically.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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