IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Employers should give their staff at least four weeks holiday a year to make employees better at their work to what extent do you agree or disagree with this

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In the Morden era, there has been a long-standing debate about whether employers should give their
staff
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 at least four
weeks
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'
holiday
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 a
year
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 to make
employees
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 better at their work from my standpoint, it has a large percentage advantage.
Furthermore
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, I endorse
this
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 statement. First and foremost, if employers give their
staff
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 at least four
weeks
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'
holiday
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 a
year
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 will be better at their work. if the owner had given them would have been efficient. for me, it is a good argument because the
staff
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 have many workloads. workers are working ten hours or 12 Hours per day.
Although
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 some countries have at least six
weeks
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 of
holiday
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 a
year
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thus
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 other countries do have not at least four
weeks
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 of
holiday
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 a
year
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. It is a debate point.
On the other hand
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, it is good for the company's production.
For instance
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, if employers did
employees
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 would be working to commitment. It is they can be used to encourage not only
employees
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 but
also
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 better of
employees
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' health. even though
employees
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 were working too much workload they would be unhealthy. It is not good for our country's future
hence
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 country's economy depends on
employees
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.
To conclude
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 from my perspective owners have the responsibility to give their
staff
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 at least for week's
holiday
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 a
year
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 and go for other
employees
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 who have accountability to give their best they're like a second home creating new laws by the government. Together we can make
this
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 work a better place

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task achievement
Your essay needs a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to outline your main argument. This will help in setting a focused direction for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your body paragraphs need more logical structure. Try to develop one main idea per paragraph and support it with clear reasons and relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
It is important to link your ideas smoothly. Use transition words (e.g., 'Therefore', 'However', 'Moreover') to connect your sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using informal language or contractions such as 'gonna' or 'wanna'. Instead, use formal academic language.
task achievement
You have provided a solid argument in favor of the topic and have used relevant examples to support your points.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • creativity
  • mental well-being
  • physical well-being
  • recharge
  • rejuvenate
  • personal growth
  • development
  • loyalty
  • commitment
  • exploration
  • different perspectives
  • talent retention
  • job satisfaction
  • stress reduction
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