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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #residents #uk #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar graph illustrates the spending on three different
categories
 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 food and drink, restaurant and hotel, and entertainment among five different
age
 groups of residents in the UK in 2004.
Overall
,
while
 expenditure
categories
 of people under 60 years of
age
 were evenly distributed and included a significant percentage of spending on entertainment, the older generation's spending was more unevenly distributed. At
first,
the percentage of ‘restaurant and hotel’ steadily decrease as getting older.
Also
, it is interesting that
this
categories
Change noun form
category's
show examples
 percentage
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 less than 15 % in every
age
group
,
while
aged
Correct article usage
the aged
show examples
 61 and 75
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 have
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
figures, only 2%. It is noteworthy that the food and drink
categories
 reported less spending in
under
Correct article usage
the under
show examples
 30
age
group
,
while
 other groups reported
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 expenditure
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 ‘food and drink’ except
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
61
Correct article usage
the 61
show examples
 and 75
age
group
. Only two groups show significant changes in spending, recorded at over 20%. These are the figures for entertainment spending in the 61-75
age
group
 and 'food and drink' spending in the over 76
age
group
.
Submitted by kopopig on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words categories, age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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