IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You recenly received a letter from your bank that should have contain a new credit card. Unfortunately, the card was not in the letter. Write a letter to your bank manager. In your letter: -Explain what has happened. -Suggest the card could be cancelled for security reasons. -Ask when the new credit card can be sent to you.

#bank #credit #card #manager #-explain #-suggest #security #-ask
Dear Mr. Ahmad, I am writing to you about the letter that I received 2 days ago from the bank that must contain
my
Change the word
the
show examples
 new credit
card
 I ordered on June 25th. As you know, I have
requeted
Correct your spelling
requested
 a new credit
card
due to
 the expiration of the previous one.
Then
, I
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
received a letter from the bank that should the new
card
 be inside it. But, for unknown
Correct your spelling
reasons
resones
Add a comma
resones,
show examples
 I did not get the
card
. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
, I suggest that to hold or cancel the
card
 regarding to the security issues , and to avoid
loss
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 the money that I have in my account.
Also
, to prevent the usage of my personal information.
And
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I would make a new request for a new credit
card
 as soon as possible, so when can I get the new
card
 ? Thank you for considering my situation. I look forward to your response. Best regards, Sarah Almutairi
Submitted by sarah3bdullahm397 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by breaking down the content into clear, single-idea paragraphs. Each paragraph should address one main point. For example, one paragraph can explain the issue with the missing card, another can suggest cancelling for security reasons, and a third can ask about the new card.
task achievement
To achieve a complete response, ensure all points are fully expanded upon. For instance, provide more details on the potential security issues and the importance of cancelling the card immediately.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriate and polite, creating a formal tone suitable for a letter to a bank manager.
task achievement
The tone is generally suitable for a formal letter, respectful and clear.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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