SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT VIOLENCE ON TELEVISION AND IN COMPUTER GAMES HAS A DAMAGING EFFECT ON THE SOCIETY. OTHERS DENY THAT THESE FACTORS HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOUR. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #people’s #behaviour

Some think that violent behaviours featured on television shows and video

games

have detrimental effects on

people

while

others

claim they have no impact on society. In my opinion, aggressive manners presented in shows and computer

games

directly influence individuals' way of thinking by encouraging them to be brutal towards

others

and themselves, and

appliying

Correct your spelling

applying

those practices to

real world

Add a hyphen

real-world

show examples

cases.

Firstly

, taking into account the fact that members of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society spend a significant portion of their

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

in front of screens by watching various movies and playing video

games

, there is a huge menace that

people

are under direct influence of what they are consuming.

People

have a tendency to exemplify all behaviours displayed by their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

figures or actors, and

accepting

Wrong verb form

show examples

them as an ideal way of behaving.

This

might encourage them to be more aggressive towards their surroundings and

having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

dismal opinions about

people

and themselves.

Moreover

, there is an enormous chance that

people

might emulate their idols and

considering

Wrong verb form

consider

show examples

them cool for the power they get over

people

by showing

others

force and violence. Being exposed to

such

amount of brutality examples,

people

might

endeavor

Change the spelling

endeavour

show examples

to solve their problems by molesting or

coersing

Correct your spelling

coercing

coursing

others

with the help of physical force and thread.

For example

, there are so many movies in Turkey that actively promote the power of force and violence and always are placed among

films

Correct article usage

the films

show examples

that have the most views. By analyzing social media trends, we can come to the conclusion that particular scenes that present

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

brutality and fierce are among the famous trends that

people

try to copy and share.

To conclude

although

many

people

think that by watching scenes that contain many aggressive behaviours,

people

cannot develop unhealthy

attitude

Fix the agreement mistake

attitudes

show examples

, in my opinion, consuming so much violence via TV shows and video

games

is enough for individuals to be affected and create

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

scenarios in real life.

Submitted by Dinare Abdullayeva on Sun Jun 30 2024

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coherence and cohesion

Work on enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs to achieve clearer transitions and connections between ideas.

task achievement

Incorporate more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your argument and make your points more relatable and grounded.

general advice

Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and vocabulary misuses, such as ‘menace’ instead of ‘risk’ and ‘brutality’ instead of ‘violence’. These small inaccuracies can detract from the overall clarity of your essay.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are strong and well-defined, setting up the argument and summarizing it effectively.

task achievement

The main points are clearly stated and supported with arguments, highlighting a good understanding of the topic.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay structure, with clear paragraphs and a logical progression of ideas, makes it easy to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

315 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Aggressive behavior
Desensitization
Normalization
Psychological impact
Fear and anxiety
Parental control
Moderating
Fictional vs. real-world violence
Counterarguments
Correlation
Environmental influences
Social messages
Stress relief
Safe outlet

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SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT VIOLENCE ON TELEVISION AND IN COMPUTER GAMES HAS A DAMAGING EFFECT ON THE SOCIETY. OTHERS DENY THAT THESE FACTORS HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOUR. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used to make money from tourists. Others believe that this is the only way for some places to survive in today's world. Discuss both sides and give you opinion.

A group of people think that the penalty for each kind of crime needs to equal, another group says that before giving punishment wants to analyse the stimulantt and motivation of the crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Most people agree that money cannot bring happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness?

Some people think that wearing uniforms fosters solidarity between staff and makes them feel part of a team. Others claim that it is better to have a dress code than a uniform. Discuss both views and give your opinion.