SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT VIOLENCE ON TELEVISION AND IN COMPUTER GAMES HAS A DAMAGING EFFECT ON THE SOCIETY. OTHERS DENY THAT THESE FACTORS HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOUR. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ?
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Some think that violent behaviours featured on television shows and video
games
have detrimental effects on people
, while
others
claim they have no impact on society. In my opinion, aggressive manners presented in shows and computer games
directly influence individuals' way of thinking by encouraging them to be brutal towards others
and themselves, and appliying
those practices to Correct your spelling
applying
real world
cases.
Add a hyphen
real-world
Firstly
, taking into account the fact that members of the
society spend a significant portion of their Correct article usage
apply
times
in front of screens by watching various movies and playing video Fix the agreement mistake
time
games
, there is a huge menace that people
are under direct influence of what they are consuming. People
have a tendency to exemplify all behaviours displayed by their favorite
figures or actors, and Change the spelling
favourite
accepting
them as an ideal way of behaving. Wrong verb form
accept
This
might encourage them to be more aggressive towards their surroundings and having
dismal opinions about Wrong verb form
have
people
and themselves.
Moreover
, there is an enormous chance that people
might emulate their idols and considering
them cool for the power they get over Wrong verb form
consider
people
by showing others
force and violence. Being exposed to such
amount of brutality examples, people
might endeavor
to solve their problems by molesting or Change the spelling
endeavour
coersing
Correct your spelling
coercing
coursing
others
with the help of physical force and thread. For example
, there are so many movies in Turkey that actively promote the power of force and violence and always are placed among films
that have the most views. By analyzing social media trends, we can come to the conclusion that particular scenes that present Correct article usage
the films
the
brutality and fierce are among the famous trends that Correct article usage
apply
people
try to copy and share.
To conclude
, although
many people
think that by watching scenes that contain many aggressive behaviours, people
cannot develop unhealthy attitude
, in my opinion, consuming so much violence via TV shows and video Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
games
is enough for individuals to be affected and create same
scenarios in real life.Correct article usage
the same
Submitted by Dinare Abdullayeva on
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coherence and cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs to achieve clearer transitions and connections between ideas.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your argument and make your points more relatable and grounded.
general advice
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and vocabulary misuses, such as ‘menace’ instead of ‘risk’ and ‘brutality’ instead of ‘violence’. These small inaccuracies can detract from the overall clarity of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong and well-defined, setting up the argument and summarizing it effectively.
task achievement
The main points are clearly stated and supported with arguments, highlighting a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure, with clear paragraphs and a logical progression of ideas, makes it easy to follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.