SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT VIOLENCE ON TELEVISION AND IN COMPUTER GAMES HAS A DAMAGING EFFECT ON THE SOCIETY. OTHERS DENY THAT THESE FACTORS HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOUR. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #people’s #behaviour

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Some think that violent behaviours featured on television shows and video

games

Use synonyms

have detrimental effects on

people

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while

Linking Words

others

Use synonyms

claim they have no impact on society. In my opinion, aggressive manners presented in shows and computer

games

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directly influence individuals' way of thinking by encouraging them to be brutal towards

others

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and themselves, and

appliying

Correct your spelling

applying

those practices to

real world

Add a hyphen

real-world

show examples

cases.

Firstly

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, taking into account the fact that members of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society spend a significant portion of their

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

in front of screens by watching various movies and playing video

games

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, there is a huge menace that

people

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are under direct influence of what they are consuming.

People

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have a tendency to exemplify all behaviours displayed by their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

figures or actors, and

accepting

Wrong verb form

show examples

them as an ideal way of behaving.

This

Linking Words

might encourage them to be more aggressive towards their surroundings and

having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

dismal opinions about

people

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and themselves.

Moreover

Linking Words

, there is an enormous chance that

people

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might emulate their idols and

considering

Wrong verb form

consider

show examples

them cool for the power they get over

people

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by showing

others

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force and violence. Being exposed to

such

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amount of brutality examples,

people

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might

endeavor

Change the spelling

endeavour

show examples

to solve their problems by molesting or

coersing

Correct your spelling

coercing

coursing

others

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with the help of physical force and thread.

For example

Linking Words

, there are so many movies in Turkey that actively promote the power of force and violence and always are placed among

films

Correct article usage

the films

show examples

that have the most views. By analyzing social media trends, we can come to the conclusion that particular scenes that present

the

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apply

show examples

brutality and fierce are among the famous trends that

people

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try to copy and share.

To conclude

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although

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many

people

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think that by watching scenes that contain many aggressive behaviours,

people

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cannot develop unhealthy

attitude

Fix the agreement mistake

attitudes

show examples

, in my opinion, consuming so much violence via TV shows and video

games

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is enough for individuals to be affected and create

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

scenarios in real life.

Submitted by Narmin on Sun Jun 30 2024

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coherence and cohesion

Work on enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs to achieve clearer transitions and connections between ideas.

task achievement

Incorporate more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your argument and make your points more relatable and grounded.

general advice

Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and vocabulary misuses, such as ‘menace’ instead of ‘risk’ and ‘brutality’ instead of ‘violence’. These small inaccuracies can detract from the overall clarity of your essay.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are strong and well-defined, setting up the argument and summarizing it effectively.

task achievement

The main points are clearly stated and supported with arguments, highlighting a good understanding of the topic.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay structure, with clear paragraphs and a logical progression of ideas, makes it easy to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

315 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Aggressive behavior
Desensitization
Normalization
Psychological impact
Fear and anxiety
Parental control
Moderating
Fictional vs. real-world violence
Counterarguments
Correlation
Environmental influences
Social messages
Stress relief
Safe outlet

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SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT VIOLENCE ON TELEVISION AND IN COMPUTER GAMES HAS A DAMAGING EFFECT ON THE SOCIETY. OTHERS DENY THAT THESE FACTORS HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOUR. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ?

Fully explain your ideas

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetable. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

the type of media that people of differnt age groups used to get daily newsw in one country in 2011

Some people think that there's nothing we can learn from history previous characters,while on the other hand,some of them believe that there is a lot that we can learn from history,such as avoiding the mistakes that people before made. In this article, I will be discussing both views.

Some people think that manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.