IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

You nearly complete your trial work period of two months and desire to become an official employee in the company. Write an email to your manager: Saying why you deserve to pass the trial work period Explaining what benefits you are able to bring for the company if passed Explaining what skills you should improve Stating your long-term career goals if your have an opportunity to work in the company Try to write a minimum of 50 words.

#work #period #two #months #desire #employee #company #email #manager #skills #career #goals #opportunity
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear Mr/Ms. HR Manager, My name is Nguyen Thi The Tam. I am in
probation
Correct article usage
the probation
show examples
 period for the position of Manual Tester and my probation contract will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
end next week, so I
write
Wrong verb form
am writing
show examples
 to you to express my desire. I want to tell you that I really want to continue my work at
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
. After nearly two months
working
Change preposition
of working
show examples
 here, I found that SmartOSC has
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 environment for me to work and develop. You may
also
Linking Words
 know that I meet all the requirements for my current role. If I become an official employee, I'm sure that I will contribute more
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our company.
However
Linking Words
, I have some skills
need
Correct pronoun usage
that need
show examples
 improving like communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. I hope that through the work I can solve my weak point. I
also
Linking Words
 want to learn some new technical
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 if the company can support me. As mentioned above, I feel Smart is a good environment so I want to start my long-term career goal here if I have
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
. Thank you for
your
Change the word
the
show examples
 time to read my letter. Sincerely, T
Submitted by ieltsmeister.academic on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Add specific examples of your contributions during the probation period to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs for better readability.
coherence cohesion
Include a more definitive conclusion that restates your main points.
task achievement
The writer clearly states their desire to become an official employee.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear start and end to the email.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: