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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows the literacy rate of people who can read and write by region and gender in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The bar chart shows the literacy rate of people who can read and write by region and gender in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.
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The bar chart shows the literacy
rate
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who can read and write by region and gender in 2011. These charts can help us to identify a percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who can read and write. As you can see,in some regions like Central Asia and Central Europe,rates of literacy are higher than others and very close to 100
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
people
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.
However
Linking Words
,in some countries which are located in south and west Asia ,the lowest
rate
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 of literacy belongs to them. The other point is that
difference
Correct article usage
the difference
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
rate
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 between men and
women
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 so close in Central Asia
on the contrary
Linking Words
 to others.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 have the lowest
rate
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 in sub-Saharan Africa in comparison with other regions in the chart. Generally in all of these
regions
Add a comma
regions,
show examples
 we have more than 50 percent of men and
women
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 who are able to write and read. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 we have a range between 55 to 95 percent of men and
women
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 who are making our
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 from
this
Linking Words
 chart.Some things may affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 result,but
overall
Linking Words
, we have these groups of
people
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, people, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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