The diagram below shows the production and processing of milk and dairy products for commercial sale.

The diagram below shows the production and processing of milk and dairy products for commercial sale.
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The diagram illustrates the manufacturing process of
milk
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and related
products
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the 7-step process begins with cows feeding on grass and ends with the distribution of final
products
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to supermarket and store shelves.
Firstly
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, cows that have been grazed are taken to a building equipped with milking machines, where they are milked two times a day in order to extract
milk
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.
Then
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, after being stored in the refrigerators to keep it cool, the
milk
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is transported by delivery vehicles to a dairy on a daily basis. Once it has been delivered, the
milk
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undergoes
further
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processing to produce other dairy
products
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,
such
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as cheese, cream and butter.
Following
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this
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, the
milk
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is packaged after pasteurization. Once the wrapping stage is completed, the resulting
products
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are sent to grocery stores, after which the
milk
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is ready for sale.
Submitted by Aqxniet on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words milk, products with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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