IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?

#cities #video #cameras #places #crime #people #measures #freedom #security
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In the contemporary era,
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 rate has emerged as one of the gravest concerns globally, which has led to the employment of
security
cameras
.
Albeit
Correct word choice
Although
show examples
 some believe that video
surveillances
Fix the agreement mistake
surveillance
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 deterred
crime
 considerably, others oppose
this
 notion owing to the fear of
privacy
 invasion.
Nevertheless
, the positives of
security
cameras
, in
context
Correct article usage
the context
show examples
 of curtailing
crime
 rates, overpower their negatives, which are explored in the impending paragraphs. On the one hand, opponents of video
cameras
 present in public places cite the intrusion aspect of
this
 method. To explain
this
, since these
cameras
 record and scrutinize everything on the streets,
this
 involves a greater risk of being filmed in
privacy
 as well.
For instance
, those who are against the usage of public
cameras
, point
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 evidence of
privacy
 leakage incidents that stem from
such
 securities. Admittedly, public
cameras
 do detoxify street
crime
,
however
, at the expense of intruding
privacy
, which very often is claimed as a prohibitive measure.
On the other hand
, well-spread
cameras
 may decline numerous minor delinquencies.
In other words
, several
crimes
,
such
 as shoplifting, burglary and pickpocketing are well-lessened
due to
 the constant recording by these
cameras
.
For instance
, not only may petty shoplifters and muggers hesitate to take unlawful steps, but
also
 may be aware of the consequences of being caught by
such
security
 checks.
Similarly
, continuous video filming of public streets provides long-lasting
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
, which can be utilised at any point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 time and place to spot the delinquent.
This
 implies that patrol police staff would no longer be required to document
crimes
 and catch thefts as these tasks would be carried out by the
cameras
.
For example
, in several
regions
Add a comma
regions,
show examples
security
cameras
 have replaced the roles of patrol police
due to
 which they
approtioned
Correct your spelling
apportioned
apportion
 certain duties and responsibilities to the police that
security
cameras
 fail to undertake.
Hence
, there are numerous advantages of
security
cameras
 which include
minimisng
Correct your spelling
minimising
minimizing
 expenditure of staff members
as well as
 reducing street
crimes
. To encapsulate, it can be concluded that despite the
interferance
Correct your spelling
interference
 caused by
security
cameras
, there are several
advanatges
Correct your spelling
advantages
, ranging from decreased petty
crimes
 to a substantial drop in human effort, that overpower the drawbacks.
Nevertheless
, prime locations should be chosen to introduce
cameras
 where not only may
cameras
 be able to film social events, but
also
 dwellers may feel safe and secure.
Submitted by hadia.iftikhar126 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity in complex sentences. Occasionally, long sentences can become cumbersome and affect readability. Breaking them down can make your argument clearer.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen transition signals between some paragraphs to make the progression of ideas even smoother.
task achievement
Consider addressing potential counter-arguments more thoroughly for a more balanced discussion.
task achievement
Proofread for minor grammar and syntax errors that can distract from the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion, effectively guiding the reader through the essay.
task achievement
Most main points are well-supported with specific examples and logical reasoning, contributing to the overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Surveillance cameras
  • Public safety
  • Deterrent
  • Evidence collection
  • Apprehend perpetrators
  • Public spaces
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Civil liberties
  • Abuse of power
  • Misuse
  • Cost implications
  • Monitoring
  • Maintenance
  • Essential services
  • Justice system
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