IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two line graphs below show New Zealand import figures from Australia and Japan in the years 1994 - 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two line graphs below show New Zealand import figures from Australia and Japan in the years 1994 - 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graphs show the value of imported
goods
Use synonyms
 imported to New Zealand from two different countries,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Australia
Use synonyms
, over a
ten year
Add a hyphen
ten-year
show examples
 period. There
appears
Change the verb form
appear
show examples
 to be two different trends displayed on the line graphs. The trend for
Japan
Use synonyms
 is downward as New Zealand imported
goods
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 worth 3
billion
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 NZ$ in 1994 and 2
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2004.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, figures for
Australia
Use synonyms
 showed an upward trend as its
goods
Use synonyms
 were
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
value
Replace the word
valued
show examples
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 4
billion
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 at the beginning of the period and 7
billion
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
.
However
Linking Words
, there is considerable fluctuation for both countries. If we look at
imports
Use synonyms
 from
Japan
Use synonyms
 we
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 see that the line graph displays two large peaks in 1997 and 2000 and that between these years New Zealand imported a higher
ammount
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
goods
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 from
Japan
Use synonyms
 than
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Imports
Use synonyms
 from
Australia
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 fluctuated and dipped twice,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 the strong recovery in the second half of the period meant they ended up with
goods
Use synonyms
 worth four times the value of those from
Japan
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that
imports
Use synonyms
 were far from stable from both countries but that
imports
Use synonyms
 from
Japan
Use synonyms
 decreased over time and those from
Australia
Use synonyms
 increased.
Submitted by emteeme on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words goods, japan, australia, billion, imports with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "displayed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend analysis
  • fluctuations
  • peaks
  • troughs
  • significant changes
  • consistency
  • variations
  • overall growth
  • decline
  • diverge
  • converge
  • spiked
  • economic policies
  • trade agreements
  • global economic events
  • predictive insights
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