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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #residents #uk #summaries #information #features #comparisons
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The given bar chart
reveal
Change the verb form
reveals
show examples
 the percentage of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 paying out divided into three
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
: Food and drink,
Restauntrant
Correct your spelling
Restaurant
 and Hotel and
Entertaiment
Correct your spelling
Entertainment
 among the
differrent
Correct your spelling
different
 age groups in the Uk in 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, after 60 times most expenditure was food and
drinks
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
entertainment
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
,
hostel
Use synonyms
 and
eatery
Use synonyms
 were on least. Age by age we can easily see the
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 and
drinks
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
eatery
Correct article usage
the eatery
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
hostel
Fix the agreement mistake
hostels
show examples
were
Verb problem
have
show examples
 fallen except 76. For
under
Correct pronoun usage
those under
show examples
 30, the chance of
Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 and
drinks
Use synonyms
 and
entertainment
Use synonyms
 was roughly the same as 6
while
Linking Words
 for
Use synonyms
eatery
Correct article usage
the eatery
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
hostel
Add a comma
hostel,
show examples
 it was 14. For
31
Correct article usage
the 31
show examples
 to 45 group, English
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 expenditure was above tenth on
Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 and
drinks
Use synonyms
 and caffs and hospices, but 7 was on
entertainment
Use synonyms
. Between 46 to 60 runners, 16 and 14 were for
Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 and
entertainment
Use synonyms
,
eatery
Use synonyms
 and
hostel
Use synonyms
 proportion was same as
last
Linking Words
 mentioned groups. The peak expenditure proportion was just below a quarter for
entertainment
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
foods
Change the noun form
food
show examples
 orders among
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 61 periods. still, the lower was only 2 on
eatery
Use synonyms
 and
hostel
Use synonyms
 for below 61, and below 75 periods
also
Linking Words
, A fifth had
foods
Use synonyms
 and caffs . Above 75 groups,
Use synonyms
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
show examples
 proportion was double that
eatery
Use synonyms
 and
hostel
Use synonyms
.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words drinks, entertainment, hostel, eatery, foods with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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