The bar charts depict the percentage of diverse age groups purchasing concert, cinema, theatre tickets online during the first three months of 2013, common internet access in the UK, Australia, Malaysia.

The bar charts depict the percentage of diverse age groups purchasing concert, cinema, theatre tickets online during the first three months of 2013, common internet access in the UK, Australia, Malaysia.
The bar chart depicts the percentage of diverse
age
groups most likely to buy tickets online in the beginning
three
months of 2006
while
taking the help of devices
such
as desktop computers, laptops, and mobile phones in
three
countries.
Overall
, The 25-44
age
group in the Australia and UK used to purchase tickets for theatre, concerts, and cinema witnessed the highest rate compared to the old
age
group
while
Malaysia
presented the reverse pattern. Meanwhile, desktop computers became the popular gadgets used for shopping pass contrast to other devices in
three
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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.
however
,
Malaysia
was the leading. The
age
groups between 25-44 proportion of online tickets in the two English-speaking countries dramatically
standout
Correct your spelling
stand out
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at around 55%
while
Malaysia
's rate was the lowest at about 40%.
on the other hand
, the over
65 years old
Correct your spelling
65-year-old
population peaked in bookings in Australia and the UK at around 48% and 45% but
Malaysia
presented a slight improvement of about 45%
in contrast
to younger brackets. Meantime, the accessory used for register pass in
three
countries showed a significant trend in desktop computers (58-65%) compared to laptops (30-40%)and mobile phones (25-30%).
However
, all the technology is widely utilised in
Malaysia
despite the downward trend.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, three, malaysia with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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