IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opionion.

#people #visitors #countries #customs #behaviour #host #country #differences #opionion
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Some
people
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 believe that visitors to other countries should follow
locals
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locals'
local's
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 customs and
behavior
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behaviour
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.
While
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 others disagree and think that the host
country
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 should welcome cultural differences . In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I am going to discuss these both views and give my opinion . On the one hand , the side which believes that visitors should follow local customs and
behavior
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behaviour
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. They think that because it's somehow a type of respect that's given to the hosted
country
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 and worship that .
Moreover
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 , some of them don't feel a sense of belonging to their homeland .
For instance
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, those who don't feel a sense of belonging to their
homeland's
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homeland
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 will be more attracted and impressed
to
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by
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 the local customs and
behaviors
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behaviours
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 of the
hosted
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host
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country
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 .
On the other hand
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 , there
a
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is a
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group of
people
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 that disagree and think that the host
country
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 should welcome cultural differences . The reasons for that
believe
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belief
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 are many .
Firstly
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, most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 love their homeland and
attached
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are attached
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 to their traditions and
behaviors
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behaviours
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.
For example
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 , some of them even when they are visiting different countries
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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wear their traditional clothes and
on
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apply
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their own language.
In addition
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, if the hosting
country
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 welcomed the cultural differences and respected
it
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them
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.
As a result
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 , many
people
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 are going to admire the
country
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 which
do
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does
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 that and will respect that
country
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 . In conclusion, in my opinion, I think that the host
country
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 should welcome cultural diversity because it allows me to give genuine respect to the
country
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 which does that and makes me want to visit that
country
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 again .
Submitted by fiesaidi on

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task achievement
While your essay covers both views of the topic, try to enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Specify more relevant details and examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, when discussing respect for local customs, you could add examples of customs that visitors should follow and their impact.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by well-structured arguments and examples. For example, in the second paragraph, include a topic sentence that directly addresses the main idea before elaborating. Also, ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs for better flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear introduction and conclusion, reinforcing the central theme and presenting your opinion effectively.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which shows a thorough understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster mutual understanding
  • reverence
  • cultural clashes
  • peaceful coexistence
  • cultural immersion
  • authentic experience
  • cultural identity
  • enrich
  • pluralistic society
  • cultural exchange
  • tolerance
  • flexibility
  • international relations
  • global understanding
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