Topic: Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages? You should write at least 250 words.
In recent times, more and more
people
tend to change their places
from their loved onesand
peers in order to seek for Correct your spelling
ones and
job
. In Add an article
a job
this
essay, I would argue that the benefits
of moving from thier
friends and families for work outweigh the Correct your spelling
their
drawbacks
.
There are two benefits
of changing the places
to chase the career. Firstly
, an urban city is most likely offering
more opportunities to apply for jobs. Change the verb form
to offer
For example
, architecture professional
rarely see in rural areas. Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
As a result
, people
decided to leave their hometown
to pursue their professions. Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
Furthermore
, in big cities where employees can earn higher salaries compared to other places
. People
can be able to improve their personal and professional lives. Because of these advantages, they have to sacrifice themselves even though it
Correct pronoun usage
they
needs
to leave Correct subject-verb agreement
need
from
their communities.
Despite the fact that moving locations Change preposition
apply
offer
fewer Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
benefits
, however
, there also
some Add a missing verb
are also
drawbacks
. When they have changed their current places
, especially from their family roofs to independent lives. People
seem to have difficulty to adapt with a new environment. For instance
, in the city, traffic congestion is so bad. People
from suburb
areas Replace the word
suburban
are
easily Verb problem
apply
getting
tedious Wrong verb form
get
while
they are commuting to their works
so it Fix the agreement mistake
work
affected
Wrong verb form
affects
to
their work Change preposition
apply
concentrations
. Fix the agreement mistake
concentration
Additionally
, some experts believe that living away from family,
will cause them to experience more stress, Remove the comma
apply
particulary
from their workforce. Correct your spelling
particularly
In
some Change preposition
For
reasons
, they don't have close Fix the agreement mistake
reason
people
like their parents or pupils to share with. Consequently
, they are felling
apart and some occur mental health problems.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
falling
while
it is true that moving away from families and friends to pursue a career has several drawbacks
, such
as difficulty to adapt with a new environment,
and mental health problems. I strongly believe that the Remove the comma
apply
benefits
outweigh the drawbacks
because of pursuing their perfessions
, and high salariesCorrect your spelling
professions
profession
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
Submitted by Date
on
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task achievement
In the introduction, ensure all sentences are clear and free from grammatical errors. For example, "tend to change their places from their loved onesand peers in order to seek for job" should be "tend to move away from their loved ones and peers in order to seek job opportunities."
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences can be rephrased for clarity. For instance, "People can be able to improve their personal and professional lives" should be "People are able to improve their personal and professional lives." This slight adjustment improves readability.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Instead of just mentioning "architecture professional," you could say "individuals in specialized fields such as architecture." This makes your point more vivid and concrete.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, ensure that each point is fully elaborated to address the question directly. For instance, explain how higher salaries directly improve both personal and professional lives with specific scenarios or statistics.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize the topic.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and generally well-supported with examples.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is good, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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