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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart given shows the Percentage of Australian man and woman in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart given shows the Percentage of Australian man and woman in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #australian #man #woman #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart given shows the Percentage of Australian
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
famale
Correct your spelling
females
 in various
age
Use synonyms
 groups who did
regular
Add an article
a regular
the regular
show examples
 physical activity in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be pointed out from the chart,
women
Use synonyms
 were the highest
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 were the least in
differsnt
Correct your spelling
different
age
Use synonyms
 groups in 2010. In comparison, between
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 15 to 24 guys were 52.8% which was the maximum
all
Change preposition
for all
show examples
 the
men
Use synonyms
’s group
age
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 went down to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
39.5%. But
women
Use synonyms
 started to
grew
Change the verb
grow
show examples
 up
different
Change preposition
in different
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 groups of
famele
Correct your spelling
female
. The biggest
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 53.3% in between
Correct article usage
the ega
show examples
ega
Correct your spelling
a
group of 45 to 54 in 2010. It is
cleared
Replace the word
clear
show examples
 from the bar chart
between
Correct pronoun usage
that between
show examples
 65 and over were close to one another which they were above 46%.
In addition
Linking Words
,
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 of the
men
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 39.5%,
however
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 were 47.7% at
this
Linking Words
 time. They were
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 difference
Change preposition
between
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 between 35 to 44
age
Use synonyms
women
Use synonyms
 were 13% more than
men
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, women, men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Trend
  • Comparison
  • Gender difference
  • Proportion
  • Participation rate
  • Exercise
  • Physical fitness
  • Observation
  • Likely causes
  • Activity levels
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