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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity
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The bar
chart
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 illustrates
amount
Add an article
the amount
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 of different sexes on Australian regular physical
activitiy
Correct your spelling
activity
 in 2010.
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Chart
Correct article usage
The chart
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break
Change the verb form
breaks
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 the
age
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 groups
Change preposition
into
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six categories, from 15 to
from
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apply
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65 and over.
Overall
Linking Words
,
females
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 more exercise than
males
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except
Add the preposition
except for
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 the
age
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between
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of
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 15 to 24.
According to
Linking Words
 the
chart
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,
males
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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age
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from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
35 to 44 contribute
smallest
Correct article usage
the smallest
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Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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, 39.5, which is the only feature in the
chart
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 below the 40%
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
age
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 group's sex has
the
Correct article usage
a
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 significant gap compared
the
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to the
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 other
age
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 groups, approximately 12.5%.
In addition
Linking Words
,
females
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 the
age
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 of 45-54 and 55-64 contribute
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 of the
chart
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, 53.3% and 53% respectively. The youngest and oldest
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females
Change the noun form
female
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groups
Change noun form
groups'
group's
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 daily exercise is similar to each other, 47.7 and 47.1 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
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males
Change noun form
males'
male's
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 daily physical activity
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percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 was fluctional
compored
Correct your spelling
compared
 to
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females
Change noun form
females'
female's
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percent
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. In the end, the
females
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 and
males
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was
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were
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 almost
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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equal
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by bkardelenyilmazz on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, age, females, males, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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