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Writing Samples
Band 4

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The provided bar charts
demonstrates
Change the verb form
demonstrate
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 the percentage of workers among three different categories in
Germany
Use synonyms
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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, Japan and
China
Use synonyms
 in the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 1980 and 2010. In the
year
Use synonyms
 1980,
China
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 the largest percentage of workers in
agricultural
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the agricultural
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 sector,
whereas
Linking Words
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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Germany
Use synonyms
,
Individuals
Correct article usage
the Individuals
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 employed in
agricultural
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the agricultural
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 sector was less than 10%. USA and Japan
exhibits
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exhibit
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 almost similar
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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 of
population
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the population
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 in
Use synonyms
industry
Correct article usage
the industry
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 segment followed by
Use synonyms
china
Capitalize word
China
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 being the least and
Germany
Use synonyms
 on the top of the list. The
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of people engaged in
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industry
Correct article usage
the industry
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 sector reached 80% in Japan and
Germany
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 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2010, followed by
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 with 70%.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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China
Use synonyms
 remained at 40 % in both the years.The services
industry
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 experienced a drastic decline in
China
Use synonyms
throught
Correct your spelling
through
throughout
 the years reaching 20% in 2010 compared to 50% in the
year
Use synonyms
 1980.
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Industry
Correct article usage
The industry
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 segment was the highest job provider in
majority
Add an article
the majority
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 of nations in both the years and agriculture being the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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least.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 agriculture was the highest employed category in
China
Use synonyms
 in 1980
aswell
Correct your spelling
as well
 as in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words germany, china, year, industry with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • sector
  • distribution
  • dominance
  • decline
  • significant changes
  • employment
  • patterns
  • trends
  • global
  • compare
  • highlight
  • examine
  • identify
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