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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different puposes in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different puposes in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#show #percentage #water #puposes #six #areas #world #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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There
Correct your spelling
The
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 six pie charts illustrate the
water
Use synonyms
comsumed
Correct your spelling
consumption
 rate with
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 citize .it clear that most of
areas
Add an article
the areas
show examples
used
Wrong verb form
use
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 it for
agricultural
Replace the word
agriculture
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. And the
secound
Correct your spelling
second
purposes
Fix the agreement mistake
purpose
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 is industrial .
Overall
Linking Words
 ,
according to
Linking Words
 what
shown
Add a missing verb
is shown
show examples
 , we can see that
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
area
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
using
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water
Use synonyms
 for
industrail
Correct your spelling
industry
 is
Europe
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
Africa
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 it for
agreculture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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Souh
Correct your spelling
South
America
Use synonyms
 is the most
area
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
water
Use synonyms
 for domestic. In more detail , about industrial
ueses
Correct your spelling
uses
,
Europe
Use synonyms
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 the first place with almost
fifty three
Add a hyphen
fifty-three
show examples
 per cent . Next to North
America
Use synonyms
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 lower
recheving
Correct your spelling
receiving
 48% .
Further
Linking Words
 , South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 is the most third
area
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
that use
show examples
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
 it for the same purpose by 12 per
sent
Correct your spelling
cent
show examples
.
As well as
Linking Words
Africa
Use synonyms
 and Central
Asia
Use synonyms
having
Change the form of the verb
have
show examples
 a similar
number
Use synonyms
 ,7% and 5%.
While
Linking Words
 Agricultural uses account amount 81 to 88
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
botj
Correct your spelling
both
Africa
Use synonyms
 ,
Cantral
Correct your spelling
Central
 and South East of
Asia
Use synonyms
 .
As well as
Linking Words
 south
America
Use synonyms
 has the
close
Correct word choice
closest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 71%.
Additionly
Correct your spelling
In addition
,
Europe
Use synonyms
number
Use synonyms
thirty two
Add a hyphen
thirty-two
show examples
 per cent and North
America
Use synonyms
number
Use synonyms
thirty nine
Add a hyphen
thirty-nine
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
 , we could say that all
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
use
Use synonyms
water
Use synonyms
 for
demestic
Correct your spelling
domestic
 under a fifth of the pie . Both
Africa
Use synonyms
 , Central
Asia
Use synonyms
 and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
less
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 ten
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
while
Linking Words
Europe
Use synonyms
 , south and North
America
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 it from
almose
Correct your spelling
almost
 quarter to under a fifth .
Submitted by weed92xx on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, area, use, europe, africa, america, asia, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • charts
  • percentage
  • water usage
  • regions
  • North America
  • Europe
  • Africa
  • Asia
  • Oceania
  • South America
  • agriculture
  • industrial usage
  • domestic use
  • significant differences
  • contributor
  • proportion
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