IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In schools and universities, girl tend to choose arts subjects, while boys choose science subjects. What is the reason? Should the trend be changed?

#schools #universities #girl #arts #subjects #boys #science #reason #trend
It is generally accepted in education or career
fields
 that subject preferences are divided by
gender
, with arts being dominant for female students and science for male students.
This
 essay will try to identify the factors contributing to
this
 and argue that
this
 trend should be changed. There are many reasons why genders influence the
coice
Correct your spelling
choice
 of courses. One important factor is the
gender
 stereotypes in
social
Add an article
a social
the social
show examples
 environment, which
led
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 individuals to decide their futures based on these norms.
For instance
, men are considered suitable for
fields
 requiring logic and technical skills,
such
 as engineering and mathematics,
while
 women are seen
more
Correct word choice
as more
show examples
 suited for
fields
 involving creativity and art,
such
 as
artist
Replace the word
art
show examples
 or education.
Furthermore
, families play a significant role in shaping their children's
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 and
subjects
Change the noun form
subject
show examples
 preferences.
For example
, from an early age, boys are given toys related to construction or science,
while
 girls are given dolls or fashion-related toys.
Consequently
, the ability of young people
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 confined to
particular
Add an article
a particular
show examples
 skill, reinforcing common perception in society.
However
, there are some strong arguments to alter
this
 trend to achieve
gender
 equality and maximize individuals' potential.
Firstly
, many science and technology
fields
 are experiencing a lack of experts. By encouraging more women to get involved, we can help to fulfil workforce requirements and
prompts
Wrong verb form
prompt
show examples
 economic growth.
Secondly
,
this
 tendency should be changed to expand the equality of opportunity. All individuals, regardless of
gender
, should have the same opportunity to pursue their talents and interests. Eliminating
gender
 stereotypes allows ladies and gentlemen to choose educational and career paths that truly interest
without
Correct pronoun usage
them without
show examples
 social pressure. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the reasons behind the pattern of choosing subject
fields
 based on sexual category include the influence of traditional generalisations and families. I believe it should be removed to address limited human resources and promote
gender
 equality.
Submitted by writewritingsc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively outlines the main points of the essay. However, you might consider making it even clearer by explicitly stating your stance on whether this trend should change right at the beginning.
logical structure
Ensure to proofread your work for small language errors (e.g., 'coice' should be 'choice', 'conlusion' should be 'conclusion') to improve readability. This will help in the overall presentation of your ideas.
relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific and detailed examples to strengthen your points. For instance, mention specific fields or industries where gender balance has been beneficial.
logical structure
Use more transitional phrases and linking words throughout your essay to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases like 'Moreover', 'On the other hand', 'Therefore', etc., can be helpful in this regard.
complete response
Your essay effectively addresses the task, providing clear and logical arguments for why the trend should change and what influences it.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a strong and clear conclusion that summarizes the main points well and reiterates your stance clearly.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented are comprehensive and easy to follow, with a clear direction in each paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!