IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

‘Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of above appearance.’ Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

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Recently, most
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
organisations
learn
Wrong verb form
have learned
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 from each other,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Add a comma
that,
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 they think
to
Change preposition
of dressing
show examples
dress
Use synonyms
 their
employees
Use synonyms
 smartly to have
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
prestage
Correct your spelling
prestige
, in order to
make
Verb problem
attract
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 the people
atractt
Correct your spelling
attracted
attract
 to that
company
Use synonyms
, that
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them to be the same group. On one hand, companies’ employers think that
employees
Use synonyms
 should
dress
Use synonyms
 smartly,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 the
company
Use synonyms
nice
Correct article usage
a nice
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appearance
Use synonyms
 and high prestige.
Also
Linking Words
, give them
nice
Correct article usage
a nice
show examples
 look and easy to recognize the worker in the
company
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, dressing
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 smartly makes the
cleint
Correct your spelling
client
 more
likly
Correct your spelling
likely
 to
work
Use synonyms
 with that
company
Use synonyms
 because they have
attractive
Add an article
an attractive
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appearance
Use synonyms
 and look more professional.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, dressing the
employees
Use synonyms
 smartly gives high value to the
company
Use synonyms
for example
Linking Words
, the client before
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
choosing the
company
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will look for the outfit of the
employees
Use synonyms
 in order to
work
Use synonyms
 with them or not.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some people who don’t like to have the same look or
dress
Use synonyms
 smartly. Because they value the idea of being comfortable
than
Rephrase
rather than
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 looking smart. They believe that when they
work
Use synonyms
 inside their offices and don’t meet important clients there is no need to wear smart suits because the only thing that matters here is their
work
Use synonyms
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
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 their
appearance
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the organisation should care
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the
qulaity
Correct your spelling
quality
 of
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 or services more than
Use synonyms
appearance
Add an article
the appearance
show examples
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 because that
the
Add a missing verb
is the
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 most
emportant
Correct your spelling
important
 for the client. The
custmers usualy
Correct your spelling
Customers usually
 look for the product more than the outlook for the worker.
To sum up
Linking Words
, some jobs and companies need to care
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their
appearance
Use synonyms
 but other jobs especially jobs that need more creativity don’t. In my opinion, organisations should not force
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
 to
dress
Use synonyms
 smartly because that makes them unhappy and controlled. That
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the
employees
Use synonyms
 limit their thinking when they
work
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
The introduction should clearly outline both perspectives from the outset to better frame the argument. Also, it should mention your own opinion to set the stage for the essay.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that should be corrected to improve clarity and coherence. For instance, 'prestage' should be 'prestige,' 'attractt' should be 'attract,' and 'cleint' should be 'client.'
task achievement
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives and provides a clear opinion in the conclusion, satisfying the basic requirements of the task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized into paragraphs that separate different arguments, which aids in maintaining a logical structure.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion attempts to sum up the arguments presented and offers a clear personal opinion, which helps in drawing the essay to a close.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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