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Band 3

Many employees are able to work at home due to modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. Is it a positive or negative development?

#employees #work #home #technology #people #benefit #workers #employers #development
In the
last
 five years,many populations prefer to
work
 at home.some
people
 believe it is beneficial.
while
 others say
that is
 bad. In
this
 essay, l will explore some merits and demerits in the following parts. On the one hand,there are some cons of working at home. The main major is that he or she can manage their
work
.to explain more, some studies said
people
 who
work
 with family, could be professional
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mentally and physically. That means he or she is not losing their life balance.
On the other hand
, public
people
 suffer from several impacts.
Firstly
, employers who
work
 inside the family lose a great time
to accomplish
Change the verb form
accomplishing
show examples
 their duties or skills. To detail more, some authors said,
Correct word choice
that adultsert
show examples
adultsert
Correct your spelling
adults
 spend a long time with children and
forgot
Wrong verb form
forget
show examples
 to accomplish their occupation.
Therefore
, he or she a waste of time and losing skills .
To sum up
, I strongly believe all of respective probably right,
although
; the trend prefers to
work
 in the fit place without a home . Obviously, employers create a chance to connect with a variety of
people
Submitted by lailakhalil3 on

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task achievement
You should clearly define your stance in the introduction and provide a balanced view throughout the essay. It seems a bit mixed here which makes it harder to follow your line of argument.
coherence cohesion
Logical structuring needs improvement. Ensure your ideas flow more logically from one to the next. Clear paragraphing and clear topic sentences can help you achieve this.
task achievement
Ensure you provide specific and relevant examples to back your points. Adding data or specific scenarios can make your arguments stronger and more compelling.
task achievement
Your attempt to present a balanced view shows a good understanding of both sides of the argument.
task achievement
The main ideas are relevant to the topic and are organized into paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • telecommuting
  • flexible working hours
  • overhead costs
  • corporate social responsibility
  • employee retention
  • carbon footprint
  • global talent pool
  • peak productivity times
  • job satisfaction
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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