The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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This
Linking Words
bar chart shows us information about the participants of an adult education centre. Overview, the language
course
Use synonyms
is the most attended one. comes after it, the painting
course
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
, the drama
course
Use synonyms
and the
last
Linking Words
one
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
sculpture
course
Use synonyms
, all of them,
women
Use synonyms
participants are more than
men
Use synonyms
except for the sculpture
course
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, most of the adult education centre members are Aged above 50.
To begin
Linking Words
with, 42% of the participants are above 50 years old , after that 26% are between the age of 40-49,
then
Linking Words
16% are between 30-39 years old,
then
Linking Words
11% are between 20-29 years old,
lastly
Linking Words
5% are under the age of 20,
However
Linking Words
, the
women
Use synonyms
are more than
men
Use synonyms
by 20 members.
Finally
Linking Words
, the biggest
course
Use synonyms
is the language class which contains 40
women
Use synonyms
and 20
men
Use synonyms
, Next is, the painting
course
Use synonyms
with 30
women
Use synonyms
and 25
men
Use synonyms
, and after that comes the drama
course
Use synonyms
with 20
women
Use synonyms
and 10
men
Use synonyms
.
Last
Linking Words
but not least, the sculpture
course
Use synonyms
is the only
course
Use synonyms
where
men
Use synonyms
are more than
women
Use synonyms
with 10
men
Use synonyms
and 5
women
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mubark.s.fawaz on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, last".
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words course, women, men with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • attendance
  • adult education centre
  • participants
  • demographics
  • evening courses
  • language course
  • art course
  • participation rates
  • gender distribution
  • age group
  • main features
  • comparisons
  • summarise
  • highlight
  • analyze
  • popularity
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